Last week, Jordan asked me and Jessica to lead the youth band because he was going to be away. I, who had been waiting for an opportunity like this, took it with no hesitation. Since I was not required to talk or pray out loud, I was absolutely in for it. Finally, I will have a taste of what it’s like to manage the set list and the members. That’s why I learned to play so many instruments, after all—to know someday manage what each member should do.
It was an awesome starting point for me. I discovered that I can be a good leader. Although I’m still quite rough in the edges, at least I finally got a feel for it. I honestly surprised myself because I, who has been convinced for so long that I’m no good with people, can actually lead people really well. I was very confident in doing so, too. Maybe it’s because the members trust me and listen to me well. Anyway, I thank God so much for bringing out something that I’ve held back for a long time.
It was really a turning point in my life because this was all I’ve ever thought of for so long. Ever since my old band members started getting older, I studied almost every instrument just so that I could help the future kids. To be honest, I didn’t think I’d be the only one left from the old band that was blessed with so many great musicians. I had high hopes to lead the band with Andrew but he went away. I also had hopes with Jonathan, but now he is just too picky because he apparently doesn’t want to play the cahon. With them away, it really reminds me that God has put me in this position for his glory.
No matter how much I think about it, out of everyone, I’m the only one that seems way too dedicated to this band. Yes, there are kids who are also very committed, but not to the extent that I had gone for. I learned every basic band instrument just so that I have a feel of what everyone should do. If God did not put that desire inside of me, who would be there to fill the missing instruments with great passion? Who would teach the new kids? If God did not put that desire inside of me, I know I would not be as good or any more interested in this at all. If God did not give me this job, I would have probably left the band to ruin and deal with themselves. Maybe that’s why I’m so passionate about this, because He Himself hired me for this job and I don’t want to treat it as a pastime. Even if I was sick, I’d be there. Even if I was busy, I’d be there. Even if I hate so many things about the band or just don’t feel like going, I’d still be there. It’s not just about serving the youth band or the church.
It’s about serving God.
I’ve come to realize it again just last Friday. Once again, I have been praised by how well I played every instrument. The kids were head over heels by the fact that I can play along with anything on spot. They are jealous of my talent. That’s all they ever say and I’m thankful for the praise, but my heart doesn’t lean on it. Somehow it never really gets to my head how great I am. My heart’s just not capable of thinking about it that way. I still think I’m an idiot just moving my fingers around and hoping what I press sounds correct and cool. I mean I know I’m basically better than everyone else, but I still have a lot to improve on so I cannot accept their praise fully. But through their praise, I can feel God working.
He made me “great” so that He can show His glory. He’s making me an icon of inspiration. The fact that I’m a girl says a lot, too. God can do anything to anyone. And if anyone looks up to me and sees God’s glory rather than my skill, I’d be the happiest ever. Maybe that’s what I haven’t been doing right—telling people that it’s all God’s work. I know I always think about it, but all I ever say is it is because of practice. I guess I need to work a whole lot on that.
But okay, ehem. Let’s just rewind for a moment. Here goes a little rant. My temper is just about to tip over Prasanna. To be honest, I have a hard time blowing up to someone unless I’m absolutely comfortable to the person, so I could not fully scold him yet. BUT MAN, these days he’s becoming bolder in suggesting and trying different things. I don’t have anything against that desire of his, but what does tick me off is that he’s been in the band for so long but he can’t even keep up! He’s been playing guitar for so long but I don’t get how he can still be so bad at it! He wants to switch from bass, acoustic, and then electric—but he can’t even play a clear bar chord of F! He wants to do this and that. He wants to pluck the strings but it sounds so damn awful. He wants to play the lead guitar but how can he do that when he can’t keep up? He can’t even strum smoothly and is always ending up so near the fret board. He won’t do buildups or keep quiet unless you tell him. And if you do tell him to do something, he’ll suggest something else. He listens to me but then he doesn’t. It’s getting terrible and if he keeps this up, I might just explode at him. I know he wants to do many things now, but he’s missing so much of the basics. I don’t want him to puff himself up just because he’s been here since last Wildfire year.
ANYWAY. How THE HELL do you y’all expect me to survive when SM just dropped a pre-release track from TaeYeon’s coming album OUT OF NOWHERE??? AT LEAST GIVE A NOTICE, NOT RELEASE IT A FEW DAYS AFTER TAEYEON’S ALBUM WAS JUST RUMORED TO BE IN THE MAKING.
Honestly, when I saw the teaser, I was very shocked at the new visuals TaeYeon was offering. I had mixed feelings towards it since I got used to her casual-dressed-normal human being concepts. But to be honest who cares now at this point because I am so TaeYeon trash I’d honestly still consume the crap out of it.
What the hell is this? 100 shades darker?
ugh dat smirk. She knows she slayin’
She could pass as a video game character or a Marvel comic villain here lol
love this shot tho
suddenly theres this 1 sec shot of her lookin’ all pretty and innocent???
but bruh she lookin like a black murderer swan on the next
this reminds me so much of a Girls&Peace concert VCR…
In the end, I’m very verryyyy satisfied with the music. I really thought it would be another EDM song or some trap like Jun.K, but it was full of sexy and class. And the lyrics weren’t as sensual as I expected it to be. It made the visuals quite bearable XD
Besides not being fully invested in the dark concept, I love how she is willing to break her boundaries. You just don’t know what she’ll come out with! That’s what makes her so fresh. Just like when she released Why. Every song was so different and unexpected because she has never done them. She keeps taking me on a journey to explore different music. That’s what makes me want to look forward to her music. I mean I never liked Tropical House before that album but I absolutely like it now because of her. If she continues to surprise us like this… I wonder what her first full album will be like?