In a few weeks, our youth group will join a youth retreat called the “The Big Weekend.” This event had already been mentioned since December last year and I already made up my mind then that I didn’t want to go. However, just this Friday, two days before closing of the registration date, everyone tried to force me to go.
“It’s going to be fun.”
“Really good speakers are going to come.”
“It’s like Illuminate but even better.”
As expected, those were just a of the few things they decided to use to convince me to go, but I said no. But apparently, to people like them, no is never a valid answer. So I was left with no choice but to come up with dumb excuses.
“It’s too expensive.”
“I need my parent’s permission.”
“What about transportation?”
Even though they are only excuses, they are still part of the reason why I really did not want to go. Since they are practically forcing me to join during the late registration period, the price was already at 550 dhs (when the early registration was at 200). Even if it was not a burden to my parents to provide that much money for me, it was still a burden to me. I’d rather have them spend that much amount on something else than an event I didn’t even have interest in in the first place. I did not have it in me to pay that much just for an event. But because I said that money was a problem, some leaders there offered to pay for me if I wanted to go. I appreciate their kindness, but it’s too much for my conscience. I would feel too much in debt with them if that actually happened. How could I just use their money on an event I don’t even want to go to?
I know that event will be a great experience. I know spending three days with my only precious church friends will strengthen our bonds even more. I know God could bless me there. But in my heart, I just didn’t want to go. Maybe next year, I will go, but I just don’t feel it this year.
I honestly just wanted to spend the weekends with my family because I have realized that I am slowly running out of time being under their roof. I just want to cherish my weekends with my parents other than spending it on learning about God on a specific time and place and build bonds that will eventually fall away. You can always learn about God anywhere, and honestly, big youth group events like that usually don’t make a big impact on my spirituality.
And I just realized this tonight: I usually have a hard time saying no to my friends, and that’s my biggest problem in this situation. I did think about registering for it last minute, but I realized I would fall into the same pit that I fell into years ago. If I say yes just because of them, then it already shows that God is not really the reason why I wanted to go on this God-centered event. Friends are way too precious to me, so if I actually go just because they forced me, then in the end I was just trying to please them and not because I wanted to get closer to God. And just imagining what I actually want to do at that event already shows that my heart won’t be on its right mind. I would be too spiritually distracted and bitter, especially if my first choice was not to go. I will also lose a part of myself because I will busy trying to hold an image that won’t fit me just to please them. So I’m actually not going because of all the other excuses about money and inconvenience, but because I feel in my heart, I will fall into my weakest temptations. I just can’t go through it again like I did in the first Illuminate that I went to.
Okay, maybe I am a tad bit pessimistic. All I really want to say is I don’t want to go. I’m just trying not let people’s words make me regret my first decision. People have a way of making me think I have a problem or I’m not a good enough human being and I’m not gonna fall for that again.
It just pisses me off so much that people here just don’t have any respect for your decisions if you’re not riding with them. I’ve already said no from the very beginning, but then they tried to pry it out and ask for my reasons. Somehow they think that my reasons are way too boring and dumb and will then try to convince me to go when I already said no.
They are truly like annoying pop-up adds. I’m just trying to live my life normally, but then here you are spreading your virus contaminated click bait. Your offer seems convincing and nice, but I just simply do.not.care. Let me live my life normally! Besides, no matter how much they talk of how exciting it will be to convince me to say yes, I oddly just see it like forced positivity. It’s like telling men they’re not supposed to cry. It’s annoying and hurtful. If they were really my friends, they would still love me even if I didn’t want to go instead of guilt tripping me for the “boring” person that I am.
Learning about Christ and life is not just taught in events like those. I’ve found that I have learned more about God loved Him more through my own studies of the Bible and also through my family’s life than all of the sermons in my youth groups combined. A laid back life with God has its charms, too. You don’t always have to go out and experience things for God to reveal things to you.
Big youth events and are not everything in life. They are just way too overrated. The little blessings in life can be very memorable and precious experiences, too. In my case, it’s the harmony I have with my family that has been exciting me these days. There are many teenagers who have no families, who have unstable families, who are daily arguing with their family, and who never seem to understand their family. But my family is very closely knit together and I am so thankful that we are not arguing with one another. My parents are like my friends, and my sister is the only one who truly understands me.
It’s a luxury that God has given me and I want to cherish it as much as I can. Having experiences with friends and building friendships may be exciting, and they are good in their own way, but it will never be as precious to me as spending time with my family. Being lazy and introverting with my family are memories I do not ever want to erase. Every day is precious and a blessing with them even if nothing special happens.
Anyway, on the way home this Friday, I again rode with Christellle. Even though it was quite awkward, I don’t know why it was a little funny to me when his dad was scolding her about how he waited twenty minutes for her and she wasn’t answering her phone. Maybe it’s because I’ve gone through that argument before and got over those kinds of problems with my parents now that I find it funny. I guess all teenagers really do have similarities that we cannot avoid when it comes to parents.
Because they argued for a while, our usual chat didn’t happen and we were both absolutely quiet inside the car. But Then her phone began to ring and she didn’t notice since it was on silent. I proceeded to nudge her so that none of those miscalls won’t occur again.
Then what happened was completely like straight out of a drama. She received a call that their building was on fire! She was even told that the fire was at the 15th floor when their home was at the 16th floor! At that point the two started to worrying and her dad was absolutely frustrated and drove like a mad man while calling people. What made everything even more nerve wracking was that Christelle’s mother was at home and apparently could be heard crying on the phone call. He kept saying to grab the passports and stuff and constantly said not to panic but it was obvious that he was panicking himself, especially because she hung up quickly.
Since they were in a crazy situation, I was dropped off at their building instead of usually being dropped off at my place. Our homes were pretty close anyway and I knew I could just walk home. When we got out of the car, they ran into the building and I just stayed outside watching sprays of water and clouds of smoke escape from the 15th floor. It was crazy and I prayed no one will be hurt. I don’t know what I’d do if my friend gets hit by tragedy… Fortunately, after 5 or 10 minutes, Christelle’s dad told me that auntie (his wife) is fine. That was my official cue to go home.
It’s crazy when things you only see in media, dramas, and stories become a scene in real life. I was oddly excited and nervous at the same time. Because again, what could I do with this memory? Yeah, that’s right. Writing material. THE DANGER IS ODDLY THRILLING
And I just realized now that it was even Friday the 13th. What a weird timing. It’s one of those plots that you just scoff at because what are the chances for that to happen in real life? But then, BAM, it did. Crazy.
Oh and by the way, Christelle gave me a present earlier that morning. I didn’t open it until I arrived home because I knew I’d be emotional at some point… Anyway, when I opened it, she had a letter inside it, a wall sticker, and 8 different chocolates in a plastic bag. A lot of them were mint without any wrapper, probably because she doesn’t like chocolate mint and knew I liked them. Haha, but seriously, I was quite startled to receive something from her out of the blue (or probably a late Christmas gift), especially because I don’t really get anything from any of my friends.
I used to be the one giving gifts like her and end up receiving nothing back. Knowing I didn’t have anything to give her made me feel bad about myself. Seriously, I have to treat her better. It’s so obvious to see that she is very sincere with me and cares about me in the way that I always dreamed of being treated. I have to get back my senses on being a good friend like her, like I once was.
SEOHYUN’S DON’T SAY NO IS OUT AND I AM SHOOK
Wahhhhh, I can’t believe the girl that we all used to call Seobaby, strict and proper, very healthy woman has released an album that broke all of her stereotypes. She is really not a baby anymore as she wrote and is finally singing about love and… ehem, late night feelings. And she is even poisoning boys, omo, who would have thought, right?
Anyway Don’t Say No is absolutely lit and the I absolutely love the chorus. The anger in her voice is so strong and I just love it!!! Aghh who would’ve thought she would slay with a dance song rather than a Taylor Swift guitar playing title track??? You go Seobaby!! I-I Mean YOU GO KIM SEOHYUN!! BUt really… the meaning of “Seobaby” can change from “innocent SeoHyun” to “Mmm Yesss Seobabyyyy *smirk* *smirk*”
Because ehem, let me just talk for a moment about Magic and how illegal it is. The first second of her showcase was her dancing to that song and I have to say, I had my jaw dropped the whole time. It was too much. Her voice was so sexy and there were no breaks for the slayage at all. It’s like she was moaning without stop and I… No. NO. SEOHYUN NO. I know I know she doesn’t want me to say no, but DAMMIT SEOHYUN, NO. Even now as I’m writing this, I can’t focus since that song is playing. I mean I don’t even know why I’m so damn screwed when I have a long playlist of songs like this, but maybe it’s because I’m so biased that this is 10X sexier to me (and maybe because it’s new?).
Seriously, I’m a virgin, but every time I listen to this I feel like I’m not while listening to it. It’s like doing the deed all of a sudden. And I uncontrollably swear throughout because it’s… it’s getting hot in here. I’M TELLING YOU, IT’S HARD TO BREATHE. EHEM. SEOHYUN WHAT HAVE YOU DONE???? SEOHYUN’s VOICE X CHILLTrap R&B SHOULD BE ILLEGAL. WHO’S GONNA SAY SEOHYUN IS A RIGHTEOUS WOMAN NOW?
Idk, maybe it won’t be so bad if I listen to it more… I just need to familiarize myself with SeoHyun singing stuff like that. XD