Better Than That

Okay, so here we go to another year at Wildfire. I know I’m a little late since the new season started a month ago, but the fact that I’m not depressed and lonely enough every single week to write in this blog is a good sign that I have a lot of good things to say. I really thought the whole year of 2016 would be a repetition of 2014 when it’s gloomy all year round (and maybe it is for those I know), but my life’s starting to prove me wrong. It’s not a complete storm after all.

The overall Wildfire youth group has become ten times better than last year, but first of all, I have to say: Band this year is awesome.

A new leader came in named Jordan, and he already proved to be the one I have been praying for ever since the band became awful last year (or ever since Ronali’s untrained music leadership). He makes time for devotions in our practice and discusses what the setlist / songs and why he chose them. Besides being a little shaky at his timing and is pretty unstable with what key he wants to truly use, he’s pretty great.

Two twenty-year old guys Ranuk who’s on electric guitar and Chris on the piano are pretty good with their instruments too. And recently, there’s this kid Sebastian who’s a left handed guitarist and I think I wouldn’t teach him things as much as I coached Caesius and Prasanna since he already has a pretty good band ear. Oh, and I almost forgot! Caitlin joined the band, too!

I’m surprised that most of the members kind of look up to me as the expert. Even Ranuk, who I thought would be as good as Ethan (since he’s friends with him), or at least be better and more fluent in scales than I am, isn’t actually that way. He’s good and he has his own voice as a guitarist, but he leans on me with finding the right keys more often than I expected. It made me realize that I’m somehow already at a higher level than people who are older than me, but I don’t even think of myself as someone great yet.

As for last year’s band members, this is basically a summary of what I’ve been writing in my old posts:

But now I’ve been more relaxed since they have been improving a lot.

Jonathan has been steadier with his beats and he knows what he wants. And since we’re both on the same page most of the time with how we want things to go, we’ve been teaming up better on rebuking the others on what they are doing wrong. We pretty much understand each other well in the band when it comes to the instruments more than anyone else.

Caesius has surprisingly gotten better at playing guitar. Finally! He can still be sharpened for he’s still not that good, but he’s good enough for the band. He tried playing lead on electric guitar a week ago and I’m proud that he’s starting to get his own lead voice. He’s been a little steadier with his strumming, too. Anyway, I’m really just relieved that I don’t have to constantly tell him he’s doing something wrong. I mean come on; he’s been on the band for two years already!

Jessica has well improved, too! Last year, she was incredibly awful and I would always want to cry every time I heard her because seriously… she sounded like a wrongly played violin or any out of tune instrument. Jonathan always teased her at how awful she was, but I could never be fully honest with her. But now, she has really gotten better. I even told her that just a few days ago that she was actually really bad but now she’s doing great. She still needs someone to guide her of the right key, but she’s not extremely tone deaf as last year. She keeps saying her voice still breaks, but I honestly don’t notice it that often anymore. She just needed to be more comfortable with her own voice, or she needs to find a way of singing that doesn’t strain her voice, because I think she’s trying way too hard to sound like her favorites. Anyway, I admire that she kept on singing despite sounding so awful in the beginning and despite being told so. She didn’t stop working her way to becoming better and that’s quite inspiring.

I don’t know about Prasanna, though. He still needs a lot of work. I’m just getting worried that he might not get at all what I’ll teach him because he plays his guitar like a robot. He does not have any groove and the music does not pump him up at all. I’ve never seen him jump or bang his head even for a bit and it just makes me sigh. I don’t know if I can teach someone who is so stiff towards music like that.

Christelle is pretty awesome. I already knew she’s good at singing but I guess I’m just starting to hear her better this year. We’ve also started to become really good friends. She even went to my house to jam last week.

As for Wildfire, everyone has been crammed up in that boiling room. Some people miss the big space on the basement but I don’t. Ha, even though I’m introverted, I somehow find a bit more comfort in how physically close everyone is from each other. Somehow I like it, maybe because I feel like I’m a part of something because I can’t escape anyone. Even if I sit by a corner, I’m not really far off from anybody. Because of the intimacy, in just a few weeks, I already got new friends and got even closer to those I already knew. And since I’m comfortable in with who I am now, I draw without a care during sermons to occupy myself and people usually see what I’m drawing. Doing that alone gets me all them chicks lol jk.

Oh, we’ve been talking about friends in Wildfire and I usually can’t relate to anything. I sometimes get a little jealous that I have no stories to tell, nor do I have much experience in having close friends. I sometimes feel lonely, but it wasn’t as bad as before because there is one thing I know right now:

God is slowly granting me what I’ve dreamed of and I am just so thankful. I seriously thought I wouldn’t even have close friends until I go to college after much anxiety and depression in the last season of wildfire, but now, the singers are swarming around me after every wildfire to jam. Most of the people in the band recognize what I can really do and they all listen if I have something to say or teach. I’m no longer that is always being forgotten. It’s just such a huge weight that has being lifted off of me and I am just so, so thankful to God. He did not forget me and He definitely heard my prayers.

Anyway, as I scrolled down in facebook, I see this posted by an uncle and that it is liked by many. But as “wise” as it may seem, it sounds quite foolish to me and I’m so conflicted right now.

“As we grow older, hence wiser, we slowly realize that wearing a Php30,000 or a Php3,000 watch – – they both tell the same time. Whether we carry a Php3,000 or a Php300.00 wallet/handbag – – the amount of money inside is the same. Whether we drink a bottle of Php300 or Php30 wine – – the hangover is the same. Whether the house we live in is 300 or 3,000 sq. ft. – – loneliness is the same.”

You don’t have to grow old to learn these things.

“You will realize, your true inner happiness does not come from the material things of this world. Therefore, I hope you realize, when you have mates, buddies and old friends, brothers and sisters, who you chat with, laugh with, talk with, have sung songs with, talk about north-south-east-west or heaven and earth — That is true happiness!!”

Yes, true happiness does not come from the material things of the world. But neither do people give you true happiness. I have friends and a really close family that I can chat with, laugh with, talk with, sing songs with, talk just about anything, but at the I end  of the day, I may still feel like committing suicide. And I’m not exaggerating.

The true happiness lies in knowing God is the only one who can truly make me happy, for he has my Life in his hands. People cause endless grief and they come and go, but God stays faithful forever.


  1. Don’t educate your children to be rich. Educate them to be Happy. So when they grow up they will know the value of things not the price.”

A better way to say this is: Don’t educate your children to be greedy. Educate them to be wise with their decisions and teach them with discipline when necessary. Educate them to be kind and respectful. Don’t just teach them to be happy because happiness branches out widely and many things that can bring you happiness at the moment can cause an endless amount of grief right after.

“2: Best awarded words: “Eat your food as your medicines. Otherwise you have to eat medicines as your food.”

“3: The one who loves you will never leave you because even if there are 100 reasons to give up he or she will find one reason to hold on.”

For married couples, this is important because marriage is sacred and should not be loosely slandered by divorcing like a normal dating relationship. But who exactly was “the one who loves you” referring to?

Based on whatever context, this isn’t always true because sometimes, love can lead to this: Do you love them enough to let them go?

“4: There is a big difference between a human being and being human. Only a few really understand it.”

You want to know another thing that few understand? We’re all born dead and deceitful and no one is really born an angel.

unless your name is Angela lol jk.  Moving on…

“5. You are loved when you are born. You will be loved when you die. In between, You have to manage!”

 “6: If you just want to Walk Fast, Walk Alone! But if you want to Walk Far, Walk Together!”

Okay, so I realized that these “facts” are just some life quotes or quotable life hacks or something. Honestly expected something more than just words like these like…

1 Undeniable fact of life: God traded His Son to death to give us dead beings life.

So why are you not repaying him back? Oh yes, because that fact is deniable to the “wise.”

1. Sunlight
2. Rest
3. Exercise
4. Diet
5. Self Confidence and
6. Friends”

Above all these things, why leave out God, who basically created the sunlight and gave us friends, gave us a time to rest, and gave us the privilege to work?

“Maintain them in all stages of Life and enjoy a healthy life.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Please copy and paste instead of sharing!”

Life is not worth living if all we ever strive to get is health and happiness.

I’m just so sad that people leave out God. At 17 years of my life, He has answered my prayers and has given me comfort in so many ways. When I bitterly wept to him about how lonely I was, He answered me and gave me friends. And even on that one Christmas when our family didn’t really bother with presents, He still gave me one without me even asking! He brings me happiness above everything else and I’m just so sad that other people don’t even bat an eye. He did so much for our useless souls but He is not even getting the recognition He deserves.


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