Somehow it’s humorous to me in a good way how God answers to my cries. In my previous blog, I had emotional thoughts about how I am such a forgettable person. I don’t know if I clearly wrote how heavy I felt my heart was at that time, but really, I was in a seriously dark bind. Although that aching feeling hasn’t completely left yet, I’ve been calmed by God’s answers.
At this point, I don’t even know why I still keep trapping myself in my own scenarios when I can put my confidence on Him. Because never would I have thought that after crying out to him, the things I want would actually happen. I thought after praying that maybe he just wanted me to wait for the next Wildfire year, which is a month or so from now, and then he’ll give me new friends that will care. I know, how ridiculous of me to drag this “unforgettable-me” thought right after putting my confidence on Him. But look, just exactly two weeks after that breakdown, I get an invite to a Birthday party from one of the band members, Eli.
It may seem like I was only beating myself up for no reason since people do cared about me, but still, I know nothing would’ve happened if God didn’t hear me. But here’s the thing, He always hears me. He’s the only One who knows exactly who I am and what I want and needed. My parents can’t really take a clear hint because they’ve lost the chance to open me up ages ago. I can’t always trust them to tend to my emotional health because they cause the problems, too. My friends on the other hand are not obligated to remember me because to be honest, I don’t make an effort either. So really, it’s a little funny to me, in a sweet way, because I can’t look at this situation without falling in-love with God all over again.
So, on with this story of the party…
It was, as I remember, already 12 AM when I heard that messenger beep thinking it was Shelby, whom I chatted with weeks back. After that Skype call with Shelby, she always said hi to me on random occasions to which I would say hello back, but she never replies to that, so I thought this would repeat again. And who else would contact me at midnight anyway but a Shelby who is fully awake on the other side of the world? But to my surprise it was Elisheba who just recently arrived here from India. She invited me to her party and I immediately said yes. I asked her what gift she wanted but it seemed gifts didn’t really matter that much to her and just wanted me to come. Of course, if this may be my last chance to see her again since she’s going to America in a week, I won’t be satisfied just being there without giving her a piece of something, especially because it was her birthday party after all. So as I was thinking of something to give her without having to deal with getting out of the house, she told me this:
“Dude, you know something… When I was in India, I was on an overnight train so I decided to listen to my phone recordings. And man… Mia, I am going to miss you so much and your bass fingers.”
You know, I didn’t realize it when I received that message, but now that I think about it… this. This is God working. You see, I am alive and fresh in her band recordings. I’m part of a memory she can come back to any time. But here’s the thing—she heard it when she was in India, which was probably just a few days before. She could’ve listened to it after the party or when she’s finally settled in America when her life has calmed down a bit, but she listened to it at the perfect time, remembered me among all of her friends, and was able to invite me. God’s written it all out. It really amazes me.
For her birthday gift, I figured I should just draw her something since that’s what I did recently for my sister and Emelyne. Besides, I only had a day to come up with a present. I didn’t want to go out of the house to buy “something” since it’s too hot outside. I didn’t want to trouble my mom either so I just decided to draw the last band photo we took. I personally loved that photo because everyone looked so good in it. And so, between school subjects I drew out the guidelines and then inked it in after school.
When I was finished, I liked the outcome so much that I had a mini-freak out. It hit me that I was going to give it to her—this legendary art piece of my life. Usually, when I draw for someone, when I know I’m eventually going to give it away, I don’t get that attached to it, but this was a bit different since the photo I drew was personally special to me. It wasn’t just her memory, it was mine, too. I just couldn’t get over of how well it turned out that I thought maybe I should just give her a digital copy, because who knows where my hard work would go? I mean the original would do wonders if I was to add that to my portfolio in the future so I was not going to give it up that easily. So I scanned it and tried to find perfect quality, colors, and captions for it in Photoshop, until finally, an idea popped up. I felt a little unsatisfied with all of the digital versions since I really wanted to give her a physical work. With expectations for it to be better than the original, I decided to print it out.
Since our printer was kind of running out of ink, I had to be very careful not to waste too much. I tested the full A4 page print and it was great, but it was too big. I tried half of the A4 and it was perfect. When I was sure about that size, I printed it out on quality paper… but somehow, the framing was not right and I felt nervous. So I tried it again and it was the same. The quality was great but the framing was not what I wanted. I failed to realize that the quality paper was actually not A4, so obviously the framing was different. Since I already spent two pages of quality paper and also an amount of black ink, I couldn’t bring myself to print another. Besides, the printer makes too much noise when printing, so I’d rather not wake my parents up since it was already late.
For a moment, I felt a bit of a loss because the two quality paper had unwanted framing. I couldn’t just throw them away for it was printed so clearly. And so, I cut them out and things started getting brighter again. I also layered the print with ink and it gave it more depth.
It was like a comic book process! Everything looked even better than the original. When I was finished with it, I was just so happy. Since I printed out two of them on quality paper, I had a version for myself, too! At that point, I didn’t even care what she’d do with the one I will give her because I enjoyed the process so much. I wasn’t going to lose anything either. Instead, I discovered a great (but costly) art process that is really enjoyable.
So I arrived at a great timing when people I knew were coming in the building carrying pizza boxes. It was still quite early, and only a bunch of church members were there at first so I was comfortable. When more people came in, as expected I had times when no one approached me. I tried not to take it as a bad thing since I figured at least I don’t have to deal with telling people how much I did nothing but school during summer. Then when a fair amount of people were finally there, Eli tried to make us all play games but it was hopeless since people still kept coming in. Oh, and I did a bit of DJ-ing or selecting songs on her iPad to play for the party. I felt a little old school since the only songs I knew were songs from 2000s but I nonetheless enjoyed it XD. Then we Eli blew candles and stuff and then we ate pizza.
While we ate pizza, John, who dated quite a close friend of mine, told us the story of how they broke up and I was greatly amused. He seemed so conflicted and sad about it and that’s understandable, but that relationship was really problematic from the first moment anyway. They were still young and parents still have grip on them so they cannot exactly date freely. They also cannot date because they are apart. So obviously it’ll eventually tire someone out. It’s better to love and respect your family than to upset them all because of some person that gave you “feelings.” It’s quite a simple common love story but I picked up writing materials for it so it’s some good shiet.
After that, they turned up the music and everyone danced to EDM music. Drawn by the EDM, I desperately played TaeYeon’s Why after a tropical house song they played because it was fitting. Although I am a person who overthinks what music people can enjoy when it came to Kpop, I gave less fuqs at that moment. Whether or not they liked Kpop, I didn’t care. I just wanted to enjoy music that I knew because I felt so out of place with all the songs the played. Oh, and did I mention, yet? Their sound system was amazing so I really could not help myself. I don’t know if people hated it, but I think they weren’t too bothered because they danced to it. They even danced the very move for the song without knowing it was actually part of the choreographhy. It was so amusing. Ah, it was a great highlight of the party for me XD.
Honestly many of them tried dragging me in the dance floor a couple of times. At first I resisted but when a lot of people already left, and they dragged me in again, I joined for a bit. It’s funny though because when I finally let myself move to the music, they stopped the music and my spirit to dance was broken off quickly. Even they were upset the music stopped since they said it was a song that finally made me dance XD.
Really, this dancing lasted until it reached 11 PM, when no one was left but me and a few girls from the old band. I stuck around because I was waiting for them to finish partying since I was going to ride home with them. But really, I would be lying if I didn’t say I stuck around because I wanted to be alone with them just to jam for one last time. I even sacrificed my curfew, reaching home at 12 AM just to hear their lovely voices (which got me in trouble btw).
In serious matters, though, two days after that party, I felt it’s negative effects on my body. I oddly felt physically week. Maybe it’s because I’ve been so used to quiet nights and absolutely zero socializing with peers. Full blown parties like this quickly tired my body out. There weren’t even alcohol but I really felt like I had a hangover two days later. Agh, it was tiring… I’m happy, though.