Satisfied

So, I better write down my thoughts before I forget them and pass by life without the ability to look back on it again. So hey, hello it’s 2016. Can you believe it? A year has passed since the time I first created this blog that nobody ever really reads but me, myself, and I. It’s simply amazing how much has happened since then.

When I started this, I was nothing but I girl trying to get over a gloomy 2014 heart. I went through a lot of emotions and came across many lessons. Making this blog has been the greatest New Year’s resolution I have ever forced myself to do. Because every time I look back, it blows my mind how much God has written my stories out for me. From the smallest things to the biggest changes—they are simply a plot I would never have imagined of.

But before I write my hopes and New Year’s resolutions to dear 2016, let me say my final experiences in 2015.

The Christmas party for our youth group was one of the most satisfying Thursdays in 2015. The band went smoothly and it was the best performance we had done. Mickey was on electric with his awesome pedals, and I worried a bit about Martha because she was a bit tone-deaf (with a beautiful voice), though I’m glad Eli and Jessica Jacobs accompanied her on the actual day. I honestly worried about this night for the audience didn’t only hold Wildfire and The Forge, but also neighboring youth groups I had never even heard off. And since the Christmas band last year absolutely sucked, I didn’t want ours to fall off our Christmas spirits the same way. With great coordination, everything went completely well and the audience even cheered so much. I had totally achieved my goal in 2015 of making a better band for God. It’s so satisfying when people get into the song, especially when it’s a song of praise and reminder of Christ’s birth.

Also, I checked what outfit I wore for last year and it was honestly so embarrassing I would burn those pictures off the face of the earth if only I could. And so, this time, I had worn something better, and I looked cool in pictures. Bahaha, just like how you would expect a member of a band to dress lol.

Oh, and there was the exchange gift, right? I bought a 16 GB USB and filled it up with all the Christian music I had, and also Christmas music. I honestly had given up when it reached 8 GB or something because it was tiring to gather up all that music. But what’s funny is that I kind of lowkey wanted this gift to end up to someone I knew, and it did end up to someone from Wildfire, Eilidh. I don’t know what she’s doing with it now but I am satisfied it ended up with someone whom I can approach in the future.

But what’s even weirder is how I predicted I was going to get a notebook. Throughout the week I felt like I was going to get a notebook. I even convinced myself to pick up a gift that maybe wrapped that way if ever they play a game of “grab it and it’s yours.” But the game wasn’t like that, and it was a game that completely jumbled every gift around the room (which by the way caused my little USB to get ignored and thrown to the floor since I wrapped it way too small.) The leader read a story and whenever he said, left, we would pass the gift to the left, whenever he said right, we would pass to the right, and whenever he said across—well, what that resulted to is just chaos and panic with everyone trying to score for what they think might be the best gift. In the end, I ended up with a box of some sort and I was like, okay, whatever. But then this random kid came up to me and handed me a gift because maybe the shape of the gift didn’t appeal to him, and so okay, I ended up with two gifts now? Then empty-handed Mickey came to me and saw I had two gifts so I handed him the closest gift to him which was on my right hand—the box. He said we could always trade if I didn’t like what I ended up with, and I okay with that. So we both tore the gift wrappers at the same time, and there before my hands was a set of notebooks. At that moment, I just lost my mind. I didn’t even bother knowing what Mickey got because I was so shocked and at the same time really happy. Seriously this precognition was really strong throughout the week and there it was…

And so, I opened it up and looked at the bigger notebook. It even had a green print—my favorite color—and it totally screamed my identity on it. I packed it away on my bass guitar case and held on to the smaller notebook for a while. After having it on my hand for a long time, I took a peek inside it and my jaw dropped again. It was not just any notebook—this paper didn’t have any guidelines on the pages, just plain paper that could be torn off—it was a sketchpad. I only thought of a notebook, but I definitely didn’t expect two sketchbooks with one of them actually being a sketchbook! Just what did I do to deserve this heartwarming gift from God on Christmas? And He even whispered to my heart that I was going to get it??? I honestly didn’t care if my parents didn’t surprise me with anything this Christmas since I’ve already gotten so much things from them this year. I mean what’s better than receiving a gift from The One who knows what you like the most? He’s the best parent ever!

Oh, and I gave Caitlin a little note of gratitude and I just loved seeing the smile on her face when she read it. It’s like she saw me with a new set of eyes, staring at me like I was the sweetest pea she has ever come across to. She even hugged me and followed me everywhere after I gave that to her. Though she didn’t have a gift to give back to me, the happiness that went through her that made her feel special was enough for me. I mean, that’s how it has always been for me. I get my reward from the smiles on my friend’s faces—the gaze they give me when they realize how much of a gem I am.

On the actual day of Christmas, our family passed through it just like any other Friday. We just basically slept through it. I wasn’t upset about this because the Christmas party in Wildfire honestly felt like Christmas day itself to me already, and one festive party was enough.

A few days later, Nina Mets invited me to her birthday party at Al Bateen beach—though it wasn’t really much of a party but rather just a gathering and hangout on Tuesday. I, as the house fairy that I was, instantly felt anxiety rush through my veins. I wanted to go so badly, because again the thought of missing this event made me feel more out of place than I already am. But how was I to tell my parents? They have jobs and can’t exactly take me there to that beach so far off from where I live. The only way I could get there was through taxi, but then again, how would I know if the Taxi is going the right way? And so, I told my parents, and my dad said I should wear pants instead of shorts since it would be cold in the beach (which I totally thought was ridiculous since why would you wear pants on a beach). Then my mom said I could go but only if I had someone I could carpool on the way back with (because taxis hardly come by there). And so I searched up my contacts and John was good enough to agree with me since he lived nearby. On the actual day, I agreed to come with him and meet up at the nearby hotel to get a taxi. We agreed to meet at 1PM and he came by like 30 minutes late, which obviously got me worried since I didn’t have his phone number. But anyway, going there went by smoothly.

As we got there, there I was with my cargo pants, and the rest of the other girls had short-shorts, shorts which I could’ve been wearing if it wasn’t for my dad being all paranoid. I honestly have never felt so embarrassed wearing a shirt that covered half of my arm, and baggy pants that extended to my toes. It could have boosted my confidence if I wore something similar, something as feminine as they had on them, and I totally wouldn’t have resisted any camera that came my way. But I just had to stick with what I wore. My cargo pants were so baggy that It could pass as shorts if I rolled it high enough. Still, what a big sigh. I’m never going to the beach with that kind of outfit ever again.

I took those thoughts aside and enjoyed the day. And wait, oh my gosh, I just realized something. On that day, I thought of bringing my acoustic guitar in case I become a loner that no one talks to. But then I thought, why would I do that? My acoustic guitar is honestly crappy and it would be a struggle to bring a guitar just like that without a promise of good transportation. And so I thought, someone will probably bring a guitar. I didn’t lean too much on this feeling since I thought, why would anyone bring a guitar? But then… Tino actually brought a guitar so that I could play it, because she knew I was coming. Now, did I just predict things again? Look, I didn’t tell her to bring this! But anyway, I was honestly really glad that she brought it along, because sometimes an instrument makes me feel at home and less awkward.

What I did bring with me was my photographer camera. I brought it with me to just take some pictures if I ever got bored. I haven’t been taking any photographs lately so holding it again honestly needed a bit of getting used to. It was even the first time that I had taken it out to take photos of my friends, something I had never done before. My family had always been my models so taking random candid shots of my friends were a great experience. In the first few minutes of holding it, I was honestly timid to take photos since I didn’t know if they would want their faces to be taken. But as time passed, they were livelier about it and towards the end, I had taken beautiful photos of them. I even surprised myself at how well I had taken most of the photos, because my favorite ones were taken at split seconds of a moment. I really was surprised at the beauty of everything when I took pictures. Because sometimes I would turn to a direction, and there some of them would be with the sun just right behind them and that would make some of them shine gorgeously or maybe cause a beautiful outline from their silhouette. Of course I would quickly want to take a snapshot of that. I think almost I saw beauty and a precious gem in every scene that day and I wished I had taken all of them.

In the first few minutes there, Jessica had brought a Frisbee and I was overjoyed because that was one of the only sports I knew how to do well. And so a large group of us played and I was surprised at how much most of them sucked at it. The Frisbee would just fly at an angle instead of going forward and it was chaotic. Playing Frisbee with my family back then every weekend definitely made me look like I knew what I was doing. After a few rounds, the Frisbee was neglected when someone brought out a ball. I hated balls bouncing at me so I stayed out of that one. I still wanted to play Frisbee but that was over with. But as the group got into other activities like volleyball, Jessica still wanted to play the Frisbee. She was honestly one of the worst at it even though she was the one who brought the Frisbee, and so I taught her how to play it. Only the two of us played it back and forth until she finally got the hang of it. She was so cute and happy when she finally built up great speed for it. I’m happy I was the one who had taught her. My words will echo on her head every time she plays Frisbee just like how my dad’s words echo in mine whenever I play that thing ㅋㅋㅋ.

And oh my, I don’t know if I had written about this yet, but for the past few months, I have been catching Jessica and Caesius together often. I’m not exactly told if there is some relationship going on between them, but I mean it’s easy to do psychology on these types of things. As I writer, the things playing out before me all looked too familiar. Caesius is way too playful around her than any other girl he is with. And then there’s Jessica bringing food for him to eat during band practice. I swear I see them together every single time; I’m almost like an unintentional third wheel. I would usually behind them who are walking side-by-side together, hitting each other playfully and patting each other’s back if someone coughed. And there would be a kind of longing in Caesius eyes as he stares at her while she isn’t looking. Ha, don’t think I wouldn’t notice you admiring her because I know that look all too well. It’s obvious that Caesius definitely has a thing for her, but Jessica was a little harder to figure out. Since she’s naturally friendly to almost everyone, or I at least assume her to be, I couldn’t see whether she felt the same about him. But I think now I have a hint.

On that same day at Al Bateen beach, when the sun was setting, they were dancing waltz with some High School Musical ballad song playing. I don’t how it turned out that way—maybe from a bet or something that someone had lost—and the obvious fault of them being forced to dance together was peer pressure. All of us cheered them on to dance and I even had taken the whole thing on video.

Because, finally, with my very eyes I see them together, as if that dance had declared their relationship public to us. Bahaha, maybe that was just me being delusional because I ship them so much. I mean who wouldn’t ship them? The sky had strokes of red-orange and violet, and just behind them the sun was setting to the sparkling gulf waters. It was definitely more than prom on the beach! Hahaha they were so shy and hesitant the first minute, but then completed the 4 minutes whole-heartedly, like we rascal of a group that teased them weren’t even there anymore! It was like a scene from teenage-love story! After that, it was obvious how Jessica must’ve felt for him.

If I was forced to dance like that with some guy and he tried his best just like how Caesius did, I would have fallen for him right away, especially since people were watching. And the intimacy must’ve been overwhelming considering how he was topless and she had to hold his hand with her other hand on his shoulder, and his other hand on her hips. If Jessica didn’t have new eyes towards him after that “romantic” moment between the both of them, then I guess I’m not good of a psychologist as I perceive to be. I mean seriously, with them being that young and dancing waltz for what I think is the first time for them, oh the feelings they must’ve felt when they got home! Oh, so scandalous you can’t even tell your parents! Hahahaha XD

But anyway, sometimes it’s weird how I fail to realize we’re all already at that age to create such things as walking love-stories. I mean I met them when they were only 9 and definitely we all didn’t seem to care about relationships and all that shenanigans back then. Now I’m beginning to understand and relate to Everwood more and more because I’m finally at their age during season 1. Back then, I thought they were weird for acting a certain way, but they were actually pretty normal for their age :P.

I then originally planned to ride a taxi with John again but he told me to come carpool with Tino and Vida and I was satisfied. I honestly preferred to go with them rather than John. I mean c’mon, I’ve missed them since June last year and they’re prettier than ever—hotter if I may. Being beside them with those cargo pants honestly made me look like an unpeeled potato since their smooth legs were right there before me since they wore short-shorts. Wait, okay, I’m gonna cut off my thoughts about this now before this blog turns into something completely byuntae.

And so I spent the last few days of 2015 horribly streaming Year End Shows. MBC and KBS camera work were absolutely chaotic. But SBS was okay and I was pretty happy with GENIE OH MY GOSH. Since SNSD has gotten hotter now than when Genie first came out, DAMN I DON’T EVEN KNOW THE THOUGHTS THAT RUN THROUGH MY HEAD. THEY WERE SO HOT AND LEGENDARY it was obvious why they were the last stage performance! They truly SLAAY.

But it’s funny. I spent celebrating New Year’s all by me since my parents already slept hours ago. Oddly, it wasn’t sad, and I was actually so happy. Now I’m thinking, will this celebration actually predict how my year will go? Because again, I’ll say this:

2013

How we celebrated: everything was mellow and we didn’t do much. We were with extended family and slept right after the clock struck 12.

How 2013 turned out: Nothing special much happened and half of the year was drained away with Korean dramas.

2014

How we celebrated: My sister and I stayed up playing The New Year by Parachute and The Blues by Switchfoot. We hated celebrating that New Year Evening.

How 2014 turned out: Kpop and basically the whole world turned chaotic, and so did our emotions. We were depressed the whole year except during summer.

2015

How we celebrated: We watched Kpop MVs with our parents (which by the way they said were illuminati like a few days later). And then my sister and I stayed up and watched two SNSD concerts, one being Tokyo Dome.

How 2015 turned out: It was a great year, filled with its ups and downs. We have been showered with so much lessons. I have come to realize the preciousness of many things, too.

And so, 2016

How I celebrated: I thought I wouldn’t be able to see fireworks, but then I did and I felt like a child seeing fireworks for the first time. I was so overjoyed.

How 2016 will turn out: ?

It’s such thrill to wonder what’s ahead. Because, look, this blog has passed one year already! One year ago, I barely had the slightest clue as to what would happen and now here I am after a complete set of stories (lol except for the unwritten adventures in Korea which I had totally had forgotten to write about)!

Right now, do I know what is in store for me this year? Back in 2015, I at least expected a lot of friends would leave and that my sister would be away from me, but now, what’s there in store? Only God knows and that’s a relief to me.

So far, I have my first story of the year. It was yesterday when I came to the courtyard and greeted and Caitlin and Jessica, opening my arms wide to hug them both. Then somehow, they erupted to a small argument of who I liked better—like they were fighting over me. It was a little funny and at the same time clawed at me since I didn’t want them to feel I cherished one more than the other. They are both my favorite above all of my friends and choosing between the two them is honestly one of the hardest thing I had to deal with. Good thing “I like you both” worked XD. But seriously, if they fought over me even if it was as simple as that, it made me realize how much I’m actually someone they cherished, too.

But what’s really weird is that when my family was headed to Al Whada, I had the feeling I was going to run into Jessica there. Now, what were the chances to see her there? I mean the church-out-to-lunch was in another mall but Jessica did say she lived near Al Whada, and so I just had that faint feeling that maybe, just maybe. But then again, Al Whada was a huge mall, so what were the possibilities.

But oh, surprise, I was only spacing out for a few seconds and suddenly my mom nudges me telling me Jessica was there. Jessica approached me even before I realized what was going on and hugged me. She then took off since she had somewhere else to go.

BUT SERIOUSLY, what I just want to say is… these precognition are starting to freak me out.

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