Original

I have a problem with appreciating art again. I wrote about this previously and I stressfully want to write about this again since I’m really ticked off right now. It’s only 9 am and I’m already in a bad mood.

I’ll just copy paste some things I wrote on the previous post:

My mother is one of my biggest fans when it comes to drawing. She knows I’ve been drawing since I was a little child and have been proud of me. However recently, I feel like she only appreciates my talent and not exactly what I’ve drawn. Of course, I’m not exactly sure about this but that’s the feel I got from her.

She’ll say things like “Oh, you drew that from a real photo? Next time, try to draw something only from your imagination.”

Such words like that hurt me. Even though I’ve copied a certain drawing from a real photo, I always put my own twist to that photo. And I don’t just draw a random photo (unless I label it as a quick sketch, then that’s totally understandable). I draw the ones that mean something to me. I draw the things that I have always thought of but haven’t exactly talked about to anyone. My thoughts are always portrayed in each photo. It’s not just a random photo that I wanted to draw. It’s not just a drawing. There’s a person, a story, a feeling, or maybe even an emotion that I’ve always thought about hidden in each artwork.

I guess what I’m saying is this: If you felt something, related to it, or knew what I drew and sincerely enjoyed it, that’s what makes me happy. That’s what makes me want to do more. That’s what encourages me. That’s the kind of appreciation I appreciate. I don’t care about being praised for my talent in drawing. I want people to sincerely enjoy what I’ve put my heart into, not just what I can do.

Okay, today, my problem is a bit different. This time, I’ve been told by my mother that’s it’s nice, but next time, I have to be original. She said it just like the last time and I feel like all my effort drawing something I showed her were all put to waste.

I have to be original, huh? I have to make something from scratch, huh? Well not all artists are like that! Does she not know how stressful it is to always draw a picture only from your mind? And for your information, a lot of great artist actually only copy what they see. But the thing is they have their own style. I follow and look up to a lot of great artists that only draw what they see in real life and they never fail to show a certain style that only they can draw and not anyone else.

A few months ago, I had been debating with myself about what style I should have. Particularly, I like drawings that simplify what you see in reality—the ones that don’t take too much notice in shading or other details. I also like pen drawings because they give off a really clean and simple outline of reality (especially since they aren’t as messy as pencils). I always take notes from the styles of artists I look up to in instagram with this similar kind of drawing, but that’s because I want improvement. I want my art to look somewhat like theirs because that’s the certain style that I want to do.

I want to improve in my hand control, my observation skills, and my interpretation skills in drawing. So when I make up my mind to practice and start drawing a piece while wanting it to looking good on my sketchbook, What better way to do that but to look at reality, or in my case, a photo? It could be a photo of someone I like, a photo of something that meant to me, a photo that I took to specifically to draw later on, or a photo with an idea in mind. My point is, I think it’s better for me to draw realistic photos than just coming up with a piece. Because honestly, after I draw something from a real photo, I always learn a new trick to make something look more like this or that. I always pick up more accurate measurements of width, height, and perspectives. I always pick up drawing tips I never took note of before.

If I draw something out of scratch—right from my brain, that’s still not “original” since it’s usually taken from a certain idea, a certain person, a certain experience, a certain feeling, a certain scene, a certain item, and so on, isn’t it so? What difference will it make to me if the drawing came from a something real or not? What difference will it make if I drew something from reality or from a photo? Will it feel more special if I drew it without looking at a photo? Will it feel more special if I thought of the concept by myself? I work hard on it whether or not it’s copied from a photo. I mean I don’t even go into detail or copy the photo as accurately as possible. I usually don’t even copy everything that is in the photo! I have my own style and my own interpretation of what I see. So don’t say original ideas are much better. Nothing is new under the sun.

Also, the last time I did that, I drew something that had a really deep meaning as to what was going on in the drawing, but it looked rather dark. If someone saw that, they’d scrunch up their nose and frown because they wouldn’t understand the message clearly, and to them, it’ll only look demonic. Basically, if you let me running around without a certain photo or person, my style will turn incredibly haunting. So don’t even think about it.

I don’t even get why I’m the only one Mom is saying this to—that I should be original. Why isn’t she saying that to my sister’s artworks? The artworks we have up in the living room aren’t even original ideas. They were just drawn from a photo, too. I guess the biggest mistake I’ve been making here is to even bother showing my mom what I draw. My drawings don’t seem good enough for her so I shouldn’t waste my time showing her. I should get closer to my dad more.

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