Caring

Recently TaeYeon had been getting a lot of hate on ridiculous things that don’t even matter. It’s not that it’s the first time; I mean she’s been getting so much hate for the past few years for any random reason. The blame is always on her whether it’s her fault or not, whether she did something about it or not, or whether she spoke up or not.

Recently, she had been ridiculed for being “rude” with whatever she was doing in a performance. I think it was something about her not smiling or something like not doing a part of the choreography. Not knowing why they’d accuse her of that, I checked the video out and I found nothing wrong. She was performing just like how she had been performing in her own vibe. If I wasn’t a TaeYeon bias, I would’ve found nothing wrong.

Okay, as I’ve admitted before, TaeYeon is my bias—my ultimate bias in the Kpop world. Back then when I was a new sone, I only knew her as the leader but never really paid much attention. She was there and she made me laugh in Hello Baby a lot but her face and name never stuck with me. Since I was more of a music junkie, I craved more music and talent than visuals in Girls’ Generation. That means I didn’t care about the music videos or how pretty they were. For me, it always starts with the music. TaeYeon was the only one that had so much solos and I fell in love with her voice. Then I found asianfanfics and desired to write a story about TaeNy, causing me to research so many things about her. While writing that story, she became my bias more and more. As I got to know her, I started loving who she was—it was because I understood her more than anyone in Girls’ Generation. We were so alike in character. It was easy to relate to her. I also found nothing too bad or annoying about her so there was no reason for me not to like her.

So now when something like this happens, I have a hard time understanding why people bash her for doing something that is so alienish—mostly when she doesn’t talk or maybe not smile as wide as the others. And I get that when you’re famous, there will always be someone who’ll dislike you, but then, I don’t get why so many dislike TaeYeon that much. Is it because of her dating scandal with popular EXO boy Baekhyun? Is it because she’s the leader of Girls’ Generation and she failed to keep all nine members together? What is it about her? She doesn’t shake her butt in front of the TV. She doesn’t swear on TV. She doesn’t do drugs, alcohol, or those kinds of negative things–at least none that I know of. But then, almost every little detail and every second she is seen doing something on TV, she is jumped at.

She smiles = she’s fake.
She doesn’t smile = she’s rude.
She tries not to show she’s sad = she has no feelings.
She cries = she’s just faking it.
She’s a little bit tired = she’s rich and famous now so she doesn’t care about performance quality
She keeps quiet about something = she’s a cowardly leader
She defends something = she’s arrogant and selfish
She legally prepares to sue rude comments to stop all the hurt that those rude comments have been causing to herself, her family, her fans, and to Girls’ Generation = she’s overreacting

And I probably could list more of these if I made the effort… but anyway,

I guess her introverted character is also the thing as to why people don’t get her. She is very reserved in a world where she should sell her life to the press. She doesn’t like showing everything off about herself and this causes a lot of people to misunderstand when she does something in her own fashion.

Just like the way she loves and cares—she won’t say it directly but she will show it very often in a way that you won’t notice until you look really closely. And when you finally see what she has done, it’s the sweetest thing ever. I know this because the things she do out of love that don’t get much attention are the kind of things that I do. She also doesn’t like making people feel bad and she doesn’t want anyone to hurt because of herself.

It’s like that one time in the first episode of Channel Soshi. They were to vote who was the better driver, Yoona or SooYoung. Only TaeYeon voted for SooYoung even though she probably knew Yoona was still better. I was touched by what she did. She didn’t want SooYoung to be upset so she supported her and you know what? I think SooYoung’s celebration and thankfulness to TaeYeon was much greater than Yoona who had all the other girls voting for her. At least someone cared enough to vote for SooYoung, and that was TaeYeon, the very caring leader.

TaeYeon, I admit, is not leader material. She even said that herself. But I think TaeYeon deserves that title in SNSD more than anyone else. Let’s see. Jessica is quite blunt and lazy, Sunny is a bit exaggerating things sometimes, Tiffany is a too greedy, Hyoyeon is also too blunt and crazy, Yuri is too weird, SooYoung is also weird, Yoona stays perfectly as the face, and SeoHyun… well, she’s a bit too upright unpredictable. Even though SeoHyun is very good person, she has a hard time understanding people that don’t strive to be good. That’s not leader material. But I’m not saying all of them don’t have what it takes to be the leader. I’m sure they all have that quality deep withing themselves. I’m just saying there is no one else I’d give that leader title but to TaeYeon.

Why? Because she’s the kind of person that would let everyone go first because she wants to have a clear view of what her members are doing—then when they have all had their turn, she’ll fill up what they had all missed. She’s the kind of person that would stay at the end of a line in order to get a clear view to see where everyone is heading, and to see if there are any potential dangers around those in front of her. The thing about this kind of person in general is that this position that they choose, the end of the line, is the most exposed to danger because there is no one looking after her back. But even after knowing how hard it is to be at the back because of all the arrows that could easily reach her, she’s taking all the blows and she’s trying not fall because if she does, then what will become of everyone she’s trying to protect? No matter how many things are hurting her and clawing at her defenses, she’s trying to endure it all by herself quietly in order not to alarm, worry, burden, and hurt those she’s trying to protect—those whom she loves and loves her back. And I think a leader should have this kind of quality.

I tend to be like this—staying at the end of the back to know what’s going on with everybody. It makes me feel secure knowing where everybody is. But the thing about being in the back is that nobody usually notices you, and you end up hurting yourself with all these lies that nobody cares about you. The back is honestly a lonely place to sit at (at least maybe just in my youth group). And when you finally step forward to do something, nobody knows who you are and what you do normally, so they judge you for being like this and that. The situations I have gone through are far less hurtful than TaeYeon’s situation of course so I won’t talk about myself too much, but yeah, it’s quite a similar feeling.

I don’t know her personally, but I’ve been observing her. As a Christian, I am very careful in picking people that I look up to. TaeYeon may have a few bad qualities, but those bad qualities don’t overshadow her good qualities. I lean towards her good side but I still acknowledge that she’s a sinner. Everyone has bad qualities. Not everyone is perfect. And you know what? I liked her more because she wasn’t perfect. I have a hunch that she hasn’t trusted Christ as her Savior yet, and that’s what makes me sad yet excited at the same time. I always pray that she’d be saved someday, and that’s not because I want to see her in Heaven (if not in this life). I want her to be saved because she seems like she really needs God’s spirit in her life.

I mean it’s wonderful when you get to know Him. Last year, I was always depressed and lonely and have given myself so much lies. But that’s because I didn’t really turn to God the way I should’ve. I was only focusing on my own abilities, my own pride, and my own ways to live my life. When I’ve finally let Him guide me and befriend me, I found myself smiling and living life in a different perspective. I don’t get depressed anymore and whenever I feel lonely, I get-over it quickly knowing that He has plans to change that. Even the lies I have been telling myself have started to die down. It’s just simply amazing.

And I want TaeYeon to feel that.

Oh yeah, I’ve been really entertained by Jessica’s obvious OT9/TaengSic related posts. Jessica doesn’t really post everyday on instagram, but when she does, it’s either she just felt like it, or something happened to Girls’ Generation that she just has to have a say in this. A few weeks back when Party promotions started, she posted a photo of her eyes and head with a flower similar to the flowers in Party concept.

Then when TaeYeon finally planned on suing negative comments, Jessica posted a photo with a caption “What goes around comes around #karma” then proceeded to change it later on with “Really?” She’s such a weird, OT9/Taengsic deprived person. Everyone’s trying to move on but she just simple keeps on reminding everyone that she’s still a Girls’ Generation member at heart. She’s worse at hiding her messages than TaeYeon with those oreos (if TaeYeon even intended those for her “boyfriend” Baekhyun). Sica is such an easy one to figure out.

   


  

Okay, so recently we went on a short three-day vacation to Cove Rotana hotel—the best Rotana that there is! It looks like a combination of Mosdeep City and Sootopolis City from Pokemon. Being there felt like I left this country! I felt like I wasn’t in the desert anymore! But truthfully, we really didn’t do much there. All we did was lay in bed and listen to music, then eat, then maybe go out and walk around, then eat again, then sleep. It was like the Jessica Jung life and I honestly felt I gained some weight from that—though I did also sweat a lot since it was so hot. Speaking of that, we also took so many baths since the humidity was just awful. We also did swim for a bit, but we didn’t want to get a tan or sunburn so we didn’t do it again.

The beach, though, was simply amazing. The sand there was so soft compared to the beaches here. My sister and I went there twice really early in the morning and it was fun and relaxing. I even brought Heeshin, my spinosaurus, and he enjoyed being there, too! It was funny though. At six AM, the breeze was cool and we could almost fall asleep there, but when it turned 7 AM, it just started getting too hot.

Since we rode the car for long periods of time to get there and back home again, I was internally really pissed at my dad’s driving. He breaks to quickly then speeds too quickly. It just makes me nauseous.


This caused me to sleep it off. So somehow, now, whenever I ride that car, I fall asleep. I don’t know. I just somehow turned so drowsy when riding my dad’s car after all those car rides we’ve had for the past few days. Maybe it also has something to do with the heat? I don’t know…

Oh, and it was also my sister’s birthday. Surprisingly, the hotel made her a really fancy, chocolate strawberry cake without us even mentioning her birthday to them! Maybe that’s why they always ask for IDs. They want to know if any of us had any birthdays in our stay! That’s really cool! However, I do feel bad that I didn’t get to surprise her or didn’t even notice that it was her birthday. My mom told me to draw something for her like a month back and considered it. But July came and I still didn’t come up with anything until it was finally her birthday. I didn’t even notice it was her birthday. Such a sister am I. If I was a guy and she was my girlfriend, I would’ve regretted so much and she probably would’ve been so upset with me…

Truthfully, there were times when my angst couldn’t help but creep up on me during this vacation. Since my sister is going away to Korea finally for the next chapter of her life, a lot of things went on my mind. In about a month and a half, she’ll be gone and won’t be sleeping in the same room with me anymore. I also knew this was going to be the last Rotana that we’ll spend together in the same room, a room away from our parents. This was going to be the last time we’ll be at the back of the car for a long road trip with our parents as teenagers. I don’t know… it just felt kinda sad to me—growing up and all. I know I should be happy for my sister, especially since she’s going to study in Korea, and yeah, I am happy, but I think I’m more down than happy. I mean I expected this will happen someday, especially since I’ve written a lot of goodbye stories already, but as the day gets closer and closer, I am slowly getting mixed up with excitement and sadness. I don’t really know what it’s going to be like an only child. I don’t know what it’s going to be like not having anyone to instantly agree with me on something when my parents can’t understand. I don’t know what it’s like to have no one stir my emotions as much as my sister in my everyday life. Seriously, my sister is the only one that makes me so nervous yet so happy every day. She’s basically my girlfriend and I don’t know what it would be like without her.

But it’s not like I want to stop her from going. I want her to go. If I stopped her from going, that would only make me selfish. If I wanted to have her by myself, I’m being a possessive little sister. That’s not healthy. Because really, what’s the use if our lives just stayed in one place? There’s a whole world out there that we have kind of been secluded to. We eventually have to step out of the houses we’ve gotten used to for so long. There’s a new adventure that awaits us both. I mean come on, what’s the use of all those training God has put us through? It’s time to put our training to test. So I’m not going to be upset too much. I will miss her, but I will be strong. I will stay true to my theme for 2015—Brighter Days.

When I look at the brighter side of things, I am going to spend a lot of time with myself. I will do all sorts of things I haven’t been able to do while she was here. I’m going to have more courage in a lot of areas. I’m honestly looking forward to shape myself into something better for God. But then, my emotional state? I guess God will have to deal with that. I trust He knows what I need.

    


 

There’s a new girl group that I’m suddenly so hyped for. Well, technically they are not a “new” girl group as they have been in the K-pop world for as long as SNSD, but it’s my first time freaking out about their comeback. I’m talking about Wonder Girls! I mean how can I not? Somehow they are forming a rock band now and they look like they totally know what they are doing with those instruments? I mean I know how to spot someone who is just acting when it comes to playing instruments. It’s pretty obvious to see if they are not a natural with what they are dealing with, but these women?????????? SSSSlllllaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy



 
 

Dammit, I’ve never seen such hot women play instruments so well! And the thing is, I didn’t expect an old K-pop girl group to do such a thing! Wonder Girls! WONDER GIRLS! DAMMIT WONDERFREAKINGGIRLS. The girls who sang the first ever K-pop song I got into (which was Nobody) when I was like, what, eight, nine or ten years old? Damn. I wish I liked them sooner. I’m sooo looking forward to this comeback!!! Reboot! Reboot!

I am also looking forward to T-ara’s comeback!! Yay the battle of the original girl groups are coming!!! WOOT WOOT!! FUN!!!

Oh and since Party era just ended, the full album will finally come out! This time, I’m totally going to buy the album—physical copy from Korea! I’m not going to download it illegally from the internet as I usually do and I will not listen to the track list once it is released. I am determined to get the excitement of hearing those tunes fresh from the CD. I usually don’t have this desire to buy albums that I haven’t heard yet, but this is Girls’ Generation we are talking about! Last year, I had this same desire to buy the Red Light f(x) album without knowing what’s in it because I wanted to support the poor group. I was so anxious the whole time we were in Seoul because I couldn’t find a single music store where I could buy one. That was until the last day when we were finally in Incheon Airport that I got it and the wait was totally worth it! This time, I want to support OT8 SOSHI! Wait for me, Busan or Daegu! I will find your music store and I will buy that new SNSD album! And maybe Wonder Girls’ Reboot, too 😛

Oh and by the way, my family have been drinking wine a whole lot these past months. I don’t mean everyday, but like every once in a while there’s wine, and if we run out of it, we buy another bottle. This time we even bought a rice wine from Japan that has 25% alcohol. We usually just buy only 5% alcohol wine so this rice wine was definitely something new (for me). It taste great but it’s probably really bad for my health, considering I’m drinking quite under age.

Wow… I’m actually scared that drinking might become a bad thing as I grow up. I remember that one time in Wildfire when I felt so lonely that I kept drinking water from the counter to try to forget about it. If it was alcohol, sure I would’ve forgotten about being lonely, but that would’ve probably made me drunk. I’m glad it was only water, but then, it just made me pee.

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