So there’s something I’ve noticed about myself.
Recently, I’ve been posting my drawings in facebook and have been getting a lot of praise for it. They say how talented I am, how I great I am at drawing, blah blah blah… I honestly put it up to raise my self-esteem but it isn’t exactly working. Wow, typical teenager move on that one, isn’t it? I wanted some attention again. Gosh, it sounds so annoying when I put it that way.
I realized that doesn’t encourage me at all to make more content. It doesn’t give me that kind of fulfillment to keep doing what I love. That’s not the kind of feedback I want to receive. I’d rather have no comments on a photo than have a whole page of them just saying how great I drew. It just doesn’t make me feel good… Well, I guess it does make me feel good in a certain way depending on the person who’s saying it, but I guess the point that I’m trying to get at here is that some people don’t appreciate what I showcase in the way I want them to.
For drawing, it seems when I post one, all they ever notice is my talent yet not exactly what I made. Maybe some of them do silently appreciate what I create, but most of the people that I receive feedback from just give me the feeling that they just like it because I can do something they cannot. They don’t consider whatever I had thought of when I drew it or what it all means. They just think it’s a pretty picture drawn by someone they know in real life.
This is why I detest posting things in facebook. Usually, nobody cares in the way that you want to be cared. You can feel how some people are really not your “friends” at all.
At least in instagram or in other websites, people actually appreciate what you create because they have an interest in what it is and not because they know me in real life and found I do well in that area.
My mother, for example: My mother is one of my biggest fans when it comes to drawing. She knows I’ve been drawing since I was a little child and have been proud of me. However recently, I feel like she only appreciates my talent and not exactly what I’ve drawn. Of course, I’m not exactly sure about this but that’s the feel I got from her.
She’ll say things like “Oh, you drew that from a real photo? Next time, try to draw something only from your imagination.”
Such words like that hurt me. Even though I’ve copied a certain drawing from a real photo, I always put my own twist to that photo. And I don’t just draw a random photo (unless I label it as a quick sketch, then that’s totally understandable). I draw the ones that mean something to me. I draw the things that I have always thought of but haven’t exactly talked about to anyone. My thoughts are always portrayed in each photo. It’s not just a random photo that I wanted to draw. It’s not just a drawing. There’s a person, a story, a feeling, or maybe even an emotion that I’ve always thought about hidden in each artwork.
I guess what I’m saying is this: If you felt something, related to it, or knew what I drew and sincerely enjoyed it, that’s what makes me happy. That’s what makes me want to do more. That’s what encourages me. That’s the kind of appreciation I appreciate. I don’t care about being praised for my talent in drawing. I want people to sincerely enjoy what I’ve put my heart into, not just what I can do.
And what’s even more frustrating is when someone comes up to you and tells you, “Oh, you should’ve added this in. You should’ve done this instead of that.” If you’re trying to add to what has already been done, to what I’ve already thought of thoroughly, why don’t you make your own work? If you don’t like what I have already done or just not satisfied with it, why are you still here? Go somewhere that will quench your own taste. My purpose is not to please you or anyone for that matter.
I mean if you’re trying to give me tips for improvements, that would be great, but if you just tell me to keep adding to something that has already been done, it’s not very nice.
Meanwhile, I don’t get why Jessica is getting hate again for doing a mature photoshoot.
I guess when somebody is hated; he or she will be hated for almost anything that he or she does. Humans are weird and so biased sometimes. I’ve been like that and it’s just so annoying. But I’ll expand on that some other day.
So these are the photos for Jessica’s photoshoots that she personally came for because she now wants to be portrayed as woman her age and not a fresh girl-group member. I personally like these photos and love how bold she was to do all these.
When these photos came out, she was thrashed with negative responses again. I mean I get it, especially with topless photo. However, it wasn’t even that bad in my opinion.
I liked how she tackled the sexy concept with such a classy feel. I really got the feel that “Ah, she really is an independent woman now.” She’s doing what she wants now and I’m glad what she’s doing is not something unpleasant. Most of the time, when a famous celebrity is untamed, they do all sorts of stupid things because they are finally doing what they want. But that’s just not the case with Jessica. She’s still kind of the same in and out of Girls’ Generation. If not the same, maybe she’s even better off now without K-pop. I’m really proud of her.
Anyway, what I really don’t get is that Jessica’s recent photos are more detestable than Tiffany’s recent photoshoot:
I don’t like how these turned out. I know she was trying to be sexy, but it’s too… I don’t know, uncomfortable and unnatural? Maybe it’s the magazine that made her do those, but still. The concept is just something I hope I didn’t have to see her do. Not much people seem to be bothered, though.
I don’t know, maybe for me, it’s just a personal preference. I haven’t really seen or read anyone comparing these two members. But really, I don’t have anything against Tiffany. It just ticks me off that Jessica is still being hated for something that I think isn’t that detestable.