Sketching Out Dreams

I know, I haven’t written for a while. I’ve been busy in March but now that school’s done, I’m writing again now! Actually, I’ve also been lazy to write what has been happening but hey, now that I’m listening to Strauss, I feel like expressing myself!

  

So! I am done with 9th grade! Wow! I am happy but I am also a bit scared knowing that I’m growing older. I have a lot of fears in tackling a world out of high school and I feel like I’m running out of time to learn what I should learn and do what I should do. I don’t want to keep thinking about it. It’s bad enough that I know this year will be a big year of change.

But anyway, I got into drawing again. It’s become my passion now. I feel like that’s the only thing I can do well and would never get sick of it. I want it as my job in the future. It’s become my dream. I don’t know if this will still actually stick with me three or five years later, but all I can do now is improve my talent. As I said, I feel like my youthful days are running out (even though I’m still fifteen), and that I have to do all that I can while I have the time.

“If there’s something you want to do, then that means you have a goal. But that goal may change as you live. You never know when your interests may change direction, so always anticipate it, day by day.” –김태연

I’m planning on making a website this summer to showcase my artistic sides. I actually don’t know where to start but I’d like to try my best to form a future for myself.

As for my emotional state, I feel very lonely. There’s no really point in hiding it from myself now. Every day, I long for someone to spend time with that isn’t my family, but I really don’t have any one to run to because I don’t have friends. Well, I do have friends but I don’t have close friends that I could go to—friends whom I know are free and would gladly want me around.#Homeschoolproblems

I want to be independent at least for a little while, you know? Have my own friends… Showing the sides that I can’t show in my family.

I don’t really know how to heal this. I always convince myself that I’ll have the friends that I’ve dreamed of in time but what about the present day? I feel empty in the present day.

And even if I try chatting with my “friends” in social media, I feel I’m bothering them with something. That tends to make me feel lonely a lot.

Anyway, I started continuing the plot of Disease (a psychological fanfiction) and I think I’m going to change the title soon. The plot is still the same with Krystal as the main cause of all the suicides, but it comes with a twist. Psychological twist. I can’t exactly explain it right now or I’m just too lazy to do so. Either way, it’s nice. I really like it.

My sister and I started watching Sword Art Online (anime) and it is freakin’ awesome!!!

Japanese though are really byuntae sometimes. The sudden boob and butt shots are a bit new to me but hey I’ll probably just get used to it someday. At least there’s not much bloody gore in this one unlike Attack on Titan. Don’t get me wrong, though. I still like Attack on Titan, too!

Oh and about the EXO comeback, I’m still waiting for their second music video. I’m sure Call Me Baby isn’t the only single from that album. The album itself is cool. I like it.

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