Praise and Self-Analyzing

I had my first Youth Service experience playing keyboards a few days ago! For an uneventful life like mine, this was the most socializing I’ve had in a while, and gosh it was tiring!

Now, for those of you who don’t know what Youth Service is (if anyone else but me even reads this blog), Youth Service is basically a church service when teenagers from 14 to 19 serve as ushers, band players, and pretty much most of the crew (except for the one who’s doing the sermon). It’s a fun opportunity for teenagers like me to serve at least once in a while for church. I was extremely glad that I got the privilege of playing keyboards for this one because the past Youth services have been just me pressing next on the mac for the lyric projector.

Okay, so firstly, a day before the D-day, I had quite an anxiety dream about pressing and trying to figure out the chords to one song. It was hilarious because Youth Service wasn’t due till 2 days later, but still my mind had a mental breakdown. Waking up, I was ready and prepared for what I was going to play. I guess dreams really do improve your memory skills sometimes by 1 point.

The night before the D-day, I was continuing on writing my draft fan-fiction “Misconceptions of Nothing” consisting of mainly just TaeYeon and SooYoung with Jessica on the side.

It was a fan-fiction that kept weighing heavily on me since I had to read the Bible carefully in order to convey the right thoughts I wanted to put in the story. I prayed earnestly that somewhere along the way if I do post it in the internet for public eye to read, I would be stating the truth—the truth that He has told his people for decades and decades. Anyway, since that weighed heavily on me, I dreamt about TaeYeon, SooYoung, and Jessica that night…

Then I woke up to Jessica’s annoyingly valley girl voice blasting from my sister’s alarm at 5:25 AM like, “I’M A LAZY GIRL… ye ye…!!”

Of course, my beauty sleep was interrupted with such an irritating alarm but hey, at least that got me up. When my sister went off to take a bath, I put on my earphones and randomly played the Feels playlist of Spirit and Brand New Day by Fireflight started to play. That totally woke me up in a very optimistic manner at such an early hour.

Then my sister and I quietly ate shin ramyun in the kitchen since mom and dad were still asleep. Shin Ramyun on a cold morning was totally the best. I think my mouth’s tolerance level on spicy food is pretty high after the season of Korean food back a few weeks ago. The hot and spicy ramyun totally didn’t even tear me up anymore.

When my parents finally woke up, I got my mom to do braids for my hair since I was quite daring that day. I wanted to look like a pretty little kid for church for once. After all, I’m gonna be seen by all while on stage that day.

When we got to church, I set up my keyboards on the left side of the stage. When I realized I was beside Andrew, the electric-guitarist of the band, I had to admit I was a bit excited. This is the first time you’ll hear a confession from me about boys—I’m kinda infatuated with this guy. It’s not about his looks that catches my attention but I guess it’s the fact that I’ve known him for quite a long while and he’s basically just like me, a cool introvert. However, when it comes to my ideal type (which is like SooYoung: very smooth yet fun, rough, and obsessive), I don’t think he’s the right guy for me considering he doesn’t talk that much. I think I’ll work better with the half-extrovert-half-introvert people. Well, only God knows what’s good for me and what matches me perfectly but for now, I can’t deny that I do want to get to know Andrew more—I have a slight crush on him. Ehem. Sis, if you’re reading this, go ahead and laugh. I’m pretty sure in the future when you’re reading this, I would’ve already gotten over him. My feelings are weird and they sway. They don’t have the tendency to stay for a guy that easily.Anyway, since I needed to hear the violin well for one song, Shelby, my good quirky friend, switched places with him. I wasn’t really let down by that since Shelby was good company, too. I like having her close to me a lot very much. ♥ She needed to hear me play keyboards as well. Truthfully, I’m more in-love with the chemistry of our instruments than I am with boys. Like what the hell, I’ll choose music over boys anytime in this age.

When we were finally in sync with each other during first service, I was totally tapping my foot for added metronome for my playing. It’s not that I can’t play without it—I mean I know how rhythm works—but it’s just a natural thing. My whole body is never stiff when it comes to playing instruments. I just can’t stand still, you know? I feel the song and I feel it moving through my neck and my legs. Music is music. You’ll want to move with it at some point. Besides, the songs were Praise Is Rising, Build Your Kingdom Here, Our God, Broken Vessels, and All Glory Be To Christ–a perfect set for feels and praise!

When it was done and we were finally evacuating the room to take a break, I thumped Andrew’s head… I don’t know why I did. It was later on that I realize that’s kind of my sign of affection. When I was about 10 or 11, I had this desire to get to know a girl named Jessica and how did I show affection? I teased her by touching her hair. It’s funny how self-analyzing sometimes work. Right now as a teenager, I show affection to friends that are girls by hitting them (softly) on their arm whenever they say something that is funny to me OR I’d cling to their arms like they’re my lovers. Since I’m an introvert, I choose very carefully whom I do these affections with. If I don’t know them or I’m either not comfortable enough around them, I would be constantly trying to make myself upright and keep a safe distance as much as possible. However, around boys, I still don’t know how I act. I’m not one to flirt either or one to try to get their attention with my looks.

  Taejong5 by YoMiatot

All I know is I keep stealing glances or stare at their eyes longer than I should if they look at me for a second or two, and that’s pretty much how far I can go. I do have some guy friends but they are one of those kinds of boys who are overly friendly so I don’t really have a choice that’s why I’m now comfortable with them.

Moving on to a cooler note, when I got bored, I sat down in front of the piano and started playing random compositions I made back in the day. Soon enough drummers started playing to it and I was so at a freaking giggle fest hearing the beauty of what a beat could add. Soon enough Shelby was adding her violin ad-libs and I was basically at heaven hearing the angsty play of it all. When the band just starts playing along with my compositions, I become overwhelmed with joy. Those are times when I realize my compositions are greater than what I expect them to be id instruments were added in.

By the second service, I was about half-sleepy already. It seemed that most adrenaline had drained off in the first service that I didn’t have that much energy anymore. It was only 10 am though so I wasn’t completely tired yet.

Jessica read the bible scripture for the second service and I cannot get over about how nervous she sounded while reading through it. Her voice obviously trembled and she made a few mistakes in the reading.

 

What an adorable kid. I don’t really see her nervous that much in most situations so this was something new to see. After the service I was able to talk to her and laugh about it. Above all, she did well. I’m impressed.

While we were talking about how nervous she was on stage, a random woman came between us and greeted us. She said things like, “You guys served for church today. Thank you for serving” and in a very weird, kind lady tone as if she was talking to five year olds. I just went along with accepting the woman’s praise for us since I thought she knew Jessica in some way, but to my surprise, when the woman left us, Jessica laughed and whispered scoffing, “I don’t even know who she is.” I laughed my head off hearing her say that. I’ve never really heard her use that tone before.

Oh, and I gotta admit, I think she has a thing going on with that guy nicknamed Cashew. A few weeks ago, she said she was on skype with him and needed to beat him up because of some things he said. Now she’s constantly searching for him on the courtyard. Haha I know I shouldn’t be delusional like this and none of their lives are my business. For all I know they must be just good friends since they have known each other for years—I’ve known them for years. But if by chance, they do start saying they are in a relationship somewhere in the future, I wouldn’t be surprised. Relationships are quite a fun thing to wonder about, aren’t they? What a scandal, though XD

After an hour of waiting for our parents to pick us up from church, we headed off to the mall to eat lunch at Dome. I ate a large meal which I didn’t think I would finish but still did. Gosh, these days, I don’t know why I can eat so much. I should exercise more often.

Two days later, February 1, the third Youth Service was due. I told my dad not to pick us up because we might not finish by 7:30 PM. I didn’t.

I didn’t think this day would be all that interesting but it was surprisingly eventful. First, we got to the bus stop and a woman headed to the same area rode along with us.

Then when we did get to church, I couldn’t find the stand for my keyboard (which I assigned to one of the guys back in Friday to help carry it up the storage room) causing me to get a little frantic until Chris (Youth leader) lend me an older keyboard stand.

When we started playing our music for the little second hall (even though Shelby, our violinist, was not with us for this) the emotionally stressed people from work were totally feeling the music more than the first and second service.

When I was putting my keyboards back to the storage, there were AWANA kids everywhere and I could not handle my excitement since I was once an AWANA kid myself. Gosh, they were so adorable.

Going down the stairs, singer Nina had a health breakdown because of her weak immune system, causing a panic and awkward state rushing through my brain. Nina had trouble breathing and told us constantly she was fine but Aantuu, another singer, didn’t buy it and demanded her to take a breather before we continue on down the flight of stairs. Since I’m not used to these kinds of situations, I didn’t know what to do and just stood there without a word. I’m not someone who fluently comforts people or help them either. I wish I could but having that kind of social skill is something I still need to develop. When we were finally walking down the flight of stairs, I couldn’t help but feel uneasy. “Was she going to faint? Was she going to fall?” I certainly did not want to be there when she does. I’m not mentally prepared if anything happens again to any one of my friends… no, no, no.

When she was struggling, I reflexively held out a hand for her to hold. Someone had to support her and I felt like I had to. Step by step, we got to the ground floor eventually where she sat down for a while. Good thing she’s well now. She got me at the edge of my seat that night. It was a horrifying feeling to know that one of your friends are sick and you can’t do anything much about it but wait.

Lastly, my sister and I went home with our friend’s mom and brother on the same taxi when we didn’t expect to.

It was a very interesting day. We even got to end it off by ranting about people who can play instruments but just can’t get the rhythm right or just can’t play with a band in general.

It’s quite an interesting year so far and I’m so glad. Thank God 2014 is over.

Now, to the K-POP section, TAEYEON’S DEBUT IS CONFIRMED. YESSS (as if I already didn’t know that lol)

ALSO AMBER IS DEBUTING A WEEK FROM NOW. I don’t know if I’m ready~~! It feels too soon for some reason.

Aaaaand about KrisSica! Jessica Jung just followed Kris of EXO in instagram and weibo. Our little breakaway pair OMG I can’t… If by some reason Jessica comes back in the music industry with Kris featuring in one of her songs or if Kris starts promoting Blanc&Eclares, I am going to lose my crap.

 

I’m still waiting for Jessica to follow either Jaejoong, Heechul, or Donghae… or just any SNSD member in general. We know she’s a little rebel. Can’t stop her from pressing the follow button on anyone, can we?

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