Two weeks ago, Christelle, Alicia, and I had our second practice session for the Open Mic Night. That was the last day Open Mic was accepting applications. Finally after a chaotic series of making all of our parents sign that application, we were able to send it in. Then as we practiced, for the third chorus, we decided to let Christelle do the high Ohh buildup that leads to the bridge (I called it the mountain but I called it “high hoes” as a joke and it drove us mad the whole practice lol). We spent about 30 minutes or probably more or the whole damn practice trying to get her part right. She was having a hard time getting that right and kept going back and forth trying to use different techniques on how to sing it, and also trying where to go take a deep breath and go down.
When we finished our practice, Christelle asked permission from her mom to go watch a movie with Wildfire. Just a bunch of people from Wildfire (Nithin especially) has been inviting people to watch Thor: Ragnarok with him since the night before. I didn’t really care much about Thor, especially since I’m not really into superhero movies. I was only going to go if Christelle was going to come with me. So Christelle asked her mom about it. It was kind of a funny situation because Christelle’s mom’s conditions were that if I was going to go, she could go, whereas my conditions were that I was going to go if she was going to go. So she was allowed to go since I was going. Alicia said I’ve become Christelle’s older sister, becoming that person that has to be there for the younger sibling on every event ever. It’s funny how Christelle’s mom thinks of me as that kind of person to Christelle now. It reminded me that I was really three years older than Christelle. Leaning on her as the friend that has to be there on any event outside church makes me forget our three-year age gap, but I felt it at that moment. Because I was always with her, I guess all this time, it looked like the other way around for Christelle’s mom—like I was some guardian to Christelle. Not that it’s hard to believe—heck, most of the time I think so, too lol. Oh well, I guess I really do live up to my name?
Before we left with Alicia to go to Al Wahda, Christelle’s mom scolded her and told her to bring a jacket to keep herself warm in the theater. She told her to take me as an example since I was wearing a coat. Hah, seriously, she’s setting me as up as some role model for Christelle even for things such as this. XD
But anyway, Chrsitelle’s mom packed us sandwiches to eat for dinner. It was really good. Why am I saying this, though? I’ll get to it in the next post if this one gets too long…
When Alicia and her dad dropped us off at the mall, Christelle still kept practicing the “high hoes.” She was so desperate to get it right that even when we were at the restrooms, her voice was echoing loudly in the stall. It was funny and kinda embarrassing at the same time, but she’s so shameless since she’s so focused on perfecting it. Even on the food court, since only the two of us were the only girls at that time, she only conversed with me and still kept trying to reach those notes.
There was one time tho when I showed to her the character chart from my English PACE.
I told her that she was choleric and melancholic, making her extroverted and introverted at the same time. She argued with some of the tendencies but then would realize that oh yeah, it was right. I then told her that I was melancholic and phlegmatic, but more on the phlegmatic side. She definitely agreed with that lol. Then I told her that Gabe was choleric and sanguine, but more on the sanguine side. I also told her that Gabe and I have talked and discussed a lot about this character chart before. When I said that, she said something along the lines of, “Oh, so you talk with Gabe more than you talk with me, huh?” with a somewhat offended glare. I just laughed and said that yeah, Gabe and I chat a lot and she just throws some fit saying, “oOOhH I can’t believe you talk to Gabe more than you talk with me. OohHHo FinNEee then!” I’m pretty sure she was just joking and being fairly sarcastic about it all as she always is with most of her reactions, but was she at the slightest jealous because of that? I found it amusing. To counter, I said that how could I chat with her often if she doesn’t really answer quickly and isn’t always online? I also said that I like talking to her more in person anyway lol so that’s something right?
Anyway, we then watched the Thor movie and oh man, since we bought the tickets really late, we got the 2nd row of the cinema and it was AWFUL. The huge ass screen was so close and right in front of our face. I couldn’t see the whole picture properly unless I really leaned back in my chair and risked my neck in some ungodly position. I don’t even know why the cinema even dared to put seats that close and uncomfortable. Whoever did that was out of their minds.
But anyway, being at the end of the row of our group of people, I only had Christelle beside me. I wanted her to talk to me and make jokes with me or ask me things while we watched the movie, but she leaned more on the other side and talked with Emily, Jessica’s friend. She was that friend that Christelle once suspected hated her or didn’t like her lol but now they seem to be buddying up to each other all of a sudden. I, being the TaeYeon-ish idiot friend that I am, got lowkey jealous. Why wasn’t she talking to me? Why wasn’t she laughing with me? It made the movie less entertaining. The movie was funny on some parts yeah, but I just wasn’t a big fan of the cliché superhero storyline or progression. It would’ve been better if Christelle shared most of her enthusiasm with me. Besides, I didn’t pay money to see the movie really. I paid to watch the movie with Christelle. I live for her reactions. That’s why I felt somewhat miserable at that time.
But it’s seriously ridiculous that I felt that way because it makes me feel like such an idiot to be that kind of lowkey clingy and possessive friend. And I mean I spent pretty much the whole day with her. Why was I even complaining? Her talking with some other person really made me jealous that much? It was the dumbest thing ever. Most of the time I was feeling it, I just said to God to restrain me from my feelings ‘cause being jealous of those small moments made me feel so dumb and immature. I didn’t want to keep thinking of TaeYeon’s pitiful face staring at YulTi every time it happens because it only makes me feel dumber (even though it’s pretty funny to me). I guess I can take this as God testing me again. “I Cor 13:4, Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” GOSH UGH I seriously need God to restrain my wild emotions.
After that movie, I got home and saw a bunch of messages from Gabe. He was pouring out to me again because he said,
“I’m gonna tell you a story. So long time ago I was 12 years old. I liked this girl and was never able to talk to her. Then I confessed to her and smth idk all the details anymore and I did something. I forgot but ik it was bad.Then she pushed me away. Then I was crushed for like a year more or less. Then I moved to the Philippines to study G7 there for a year and stuff happened and I was a bad Christian even if I was like half the hyper power that I am today. Anywho, I got another crush there and like rejected and then heard someone liked me and I was so desperate, and like, we became a thing. But after I moved back here due to reasons, we sorta lost contact and it became a non-existent thing. And I remembered the girl I was sad on for like a year more or less, and within a few weeks, for some reason, for a specific reason, we talked and got close. Nothing more than close friends. But my point is how does one not make life mistakes like that. Like you’re more mature and observant. How can someone avoid all that in the future? Like I’m half scared it’s gonna reoccur. Btw I hoped u enjoyed the movie. Christelle must’ve been awesome. Thor was it? XDD”
I remember seeing these stream of messages while Alicia, Christelle, and I were practicing earlier that day but I didn’t reply to him. I was only able to reply to him 6 hours later after he sent those messages. “Good. She leaned more to Emily’s side and talked with her during the movie lol I’m lowkey jelly but anyway, I spent the whole day with her so dunno why I’m complaining. Your long story tho, man. Don’t be scared. You’re not a bad guy. Just learn what you need from your old mistakes. And I know it will probably drive you mad if one day you guys stop talking, but just remember she is your sister in Christ before anything.”
He laughed at the bit of me being jealous. Then he quoted “but just remember she is your sister in Christ before anything” and said, “See dis the part that keeps me sane. I mean like, not sane like in my head. Just keeps me from acting insane out there.”
Then I told him about the time when I told Christelle that I talked a lot and almost every day with him and that she had a look that she was going to kill me. Then he said, “Feels like a balance tho. She went to Emily, u felt jelly. U told her we talk a lot, she killing intent glare mode.”
I said, “I realize like well, the only reason we are talking so much rn is because it started with always talking about her. But like of course I wouldn’t say that XDDD”
“ofc, ofc, ofc, But how did you respond XDDDDD”
“I just said she doesn’t reply fast enough to my messages that’s why XD”
“HAHAHAHAHA. Sad. If I were in your place, like with a relationship of that sort, I’d ask her how she doing eryday. It’s simple.”
“But like, it’s not my style,” I said.
“And it’d be weird if I started doing it every day. I feel like I’d bother her. She always studies. Like I’m not as witty as you to start a random convo and make it all interesting.”
“It’s called leaving a message. Witty is simply a point of view like one person sees a tree. Another person sees an inverted baby or older woman or something. One person can see it as 0+3=3 but another could say 1+2=3. And how people could say there’s no I in team. Whereas others say a team is only as strong as its weakest link. Like it’s all perspective satisfies both those desires.”
Since he was just spurting out a bunch of ideas again continuously as he always does, I was letting him have the space to do so. I still won’t chat with Christelle every day. It’s just does not seem healthy for the both of us. However his thoughts just suddenly shifted in a second and he says, “Sometimes, I think I should confess to Stella hahaha. It’s not like anything will change. And it gets it off my chest. Who knows, maybe I’ll move on in a jiffy. But what do you think?”
“If you are to confess to her, I suggest you also state clearly why.”
“I was thinking of that too. So that there’s no misunderstanding or like assumption of expectation. So that it’s clear basically.”
Since Christelle already knew anyway that he had a crush on her, I felt like it would be easier on her. And I basically know already how she feels about all of this so I said, “You also have to ask her what she doesn’t want from you and what you should watch out from doing. And like idk ask her what she might feel uncomfortable with.”
“Mmmmmmmmmm that’s good.”
“Cuz I mean she finds you to be a good friend so I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want to be awkward around you,” I said as Christelle have told me before.
“I wanted to say ‘my statement goes like this:…’ Then I suddenly felt like not doing it. Bahahahahahah”
“I don’t think you have to complicate it.”
“It’s not meant to be. I just realized how weird it’d be. Simply put… ‘Christelle. I like you. But you don’t like me that way. And that’s fine. Just wanted to get it off my chest. I hope we can still be good friends. Is there anything that I should refrain from doing?’”
“I mean it’s not like you’re gonna get married. You just need to get it out, right?” Then I added, “Put a ‘hey Christelle.’ It sounds so serious.”
“Yes but imagining me saying that now feels weird. It’s meant to be a rough draft script. Bc I intend to do it next Friday.”
Then I started writing something long and he says, “I see you typing and stopping. Two thoughts come into play: 1. You’re talking to someone irl so you stopping to talk or smth similar online whatever. 2. You’re being very cautious and considerate. Bc ur awesome. But carry on.”
Then I finally sent my message saying, “I can tell you that she’d probably have an awkward reaction in however way you put it. But I think it’s probably new for someone to add that thought of ‘oh yeah, I know you don’t like me that way so if you are uncomfortable with this I need to get it out. What can I do to not make it weird for us?”
“Explain the ‘but’ if it’s good or bad,” he said.
“Well I can’t really tell,” I said because I don’t even know myself if I was giving good advice. I’ve never been in a situation where I’ve confessed my love for someone or been confessed to before. My basis for my previous statement came from what I think would be interesting story wise lol. “I’m pretty sure she’s gonna ask me anyway if I have something to do with this after you do it. So like…”
He laughs hard at my last sentence. Then I continued, “It says I’m on both sides just trying to make peace with everyone XD”
“Wdym you’re on both sides,” he asked. “What says that and how.”
“Look I know how you feel and I also know how she feels so like, I understand you both.”
“Oh I see. Mediator. Peace maker.”
“Consul. Wait no. I’m consul. I forgot watchu were.”
“Oh, BAHAHAHA SPOT ON.”
“Yeah. Back then I didn’t even know why that was my character trait but I fully understand now XD”
Then he says, “Would it be bad if I feel like electricity is coursing through my nerves and onto the tops of all the hair on my body? Like dass me rn and I’m tryna slow my breathing.”
“From all this confession talk?”
“I mean it’s a crush. It’s normal I guess.”
“But it’s just a crush. And I’m 17 and she’s 14 (lol she’s actually 15) and she’s a good friend and she’s adorable homagah. No ignore the last comment.” I laughed.
“Although it’s true, it’s currently irrelevant. Like the feeling never gets old. Did you know I just laughed out loud and it sounded like an exclamation of brief pain?”
“Hah I can imagine,” I scoffed.
“Good that you can imagine. Means you know me well. Very observant creature u r.”
“Look I know it gets harder now that you can think properly about a crush at this age, but like can you believe in bible ages they marry around this time. Like wow I wonder how they handle old days. Like how did crushes work?”
He sent a bunch of “wat” and said, “U know kilig right?”
“U just got me into like lvl 400+ of that stuff.”
“Oh wow I must be at fault for making you fall in love with Christelle more than you should XD”
“How did u do that”
“Idk u tell me XD”
The next day Gabe and I talked about the most random things and I was able to let him read Distant Sky. It’s a webtoon that I used to really like before. Since that webtoon was finished, we binged read it and discussed it. We discussed it until Sunday, and on that day, he said this to me in the middle of some random conversation,
“Ya think it’d be better to say it before practice or after practice or smth. Sooner the better? idk shdjeidsifiwlxosofd like meh”
“Wait, what, Is this abt what I think it is”
“Yes. U know it. See when u don’t bring up the main point but understand either way, you know you’re close with a person. Not mega close but it’s a start. We tight 100 100 100 *fire emoji* 8) *fire emoji* Anywho yes. About that”
“This Wednesdayyy???” I was really shocked that he was actually gonna do it. We were just talking about this two days ago and it seemed to me it would take him more than just two days to make up his mind about it. Besides, I’ve told Christelle so many times that he has no plans in confessing it. Now it’s happening sooner than I imagined.
“Yeah. 60% says it’s bad. 40% says sooner the better.”
“Well. 40% of me says go ahead. 60% of me is internally screaming XDDD”
“Internally screaming bad or good?”
“Idek. More like I’m just nervous.”
“About how she will take it?”
“Bcuz probably on the way home Christelle will immediately ask me about it.”
“Ah. IK U WOULDN’T BUT FOR MY SANITY I REQUEST U DO NOT MENTION THE FANBOYING OVER HER. Ok I’m sane.”
“Ok ok ok. But like what if she asks me about if I was part of this, and I say yes and she wants to know why, and how I’m probably gonna be on both your sides, and why I’m gonna slightly side with you, and how much I know of your feelings”
“Wdym slightly side with me? I thought you’d be 70%+ with her and 30%- with me.”
“Because I understand your feelings and her feelings too.”
“Oh. Meh I betcha I’m nowhere near what she needs or wants or is looking for whatsoever so slightly on my side shouldn’t be a thing.
I quoted his percent message and said, “It’s more like 55% 45% ish”
“55% wid her riteeeeeeeee”
“Goodie. I don’t think anyone should side with me. I practically go against everything. That’s a generalization and a bad one but iz true. Ish. Kinda. Whatever. Yes. Haha. So for your sake should I ask on Friday? Cuz wouldn’t she ask on the way home, too? Or ya think she’d forget?”
“Won’t make any difference.”
“Uff practice it is then.”
“She will only die more if she doesn’t get it out quickly on Friday cuz Alicia is gonna be with us.”
“And I’m assuming Alicia knows nothing about her crush history.”
“So tempted to tell her on Friday. Ahaha haha hehe.”
“Your choice. Cuz like, do you guys wanna see each other on Friday and feel awkward? Or like confess and not see each other for a week.”
“For ur sake and hers I’ll do it on Wednesday. I won’t feel awkward. Bc she’s Christelle. Now she may tho.”
“(Or like confess and not see each other for a week.) NO THAT’S NOT HAPPENING. That’s gonna make it even weirder, believe me. I’ve tried.”
I remembered again that Christelle has pretty much done it before—to act normal in front of him even when knowing his feelings so I agreed with him. “(Bc she’s Christelle) Actually yeah ur right she is Christelle.”
“MWAHAHAHA For once I’m right TToTT The accomplishment feels real. Fealz* But she’s still human and she’s still a girl.”
“Just bc she’s Christelle don’t mean the normal after effect will be null.”
“Yeah of course.”
“Maybe it could be worse as it internally echoes in her empty heart. Jk.”
“Lol wut XD” Then I asked, “But like, before or after practice?”
“Matters. If she comes early and I do too, I’d rather before. If not, I’ll pull her aside after. If I can even XD”
“Yeah if you can XD Chances are if it was after we’d all be witnesses.”
“No, I’d pull her aside. Away. Like how Jess pulled me aside when she had to tell me smth.”
“lol ok.” I still believed that if he pulls Christelle aside and confessed to her after band practice, everyone would basically know or be curious about what was going on. It’s just not normal for us to stay at the second floor after band practice to ‘talk about something.’ But oh well, I don’t think there’s really any given situation where other people won’t find it strange.
“Just don’t tell her that you came to me to talk about it,” I said. “If she wants to know about that, I should be the one to tell her.”
“If she asks, tho….. Let’s say the probability she asks about anything related to you is less than 1% but it happened anyway. What do I do?”
“Then tell her the truth, that yes we did talk about this. But just that.”
“Mkay. So just tell her that answer to any specific question she asks and nothing more. So if she asks further, only answer those too? Cuz I picture plan z into infinity going like ‘did Mia know?’ and I be like ‘yes’ and I can’t see beyond that.”
“If she asks any further, you can say I’m on both sides. Just don’t lie. I don’t think doing so won’t do any good. Just simply answer her questions.”
“How can I lie to her after saying that, bc that would be so wrong.”
“I feel like God has smth hard in store. Wjdidjfiejfdjfj dang.”
“When you confess?”
“No. Any time after.”
“Idk. Idk how but He’s got smth planned jsjdjejdie it’s a gut feeling.”
“Then ready your heart for it I guess.”
“(When you confess?) Ok technically yes bc directly after counts as any time after. I’m never ready for a test from God. Even when I try to be. I have much to learn and improve.”
“Well, for starts tbh I don’t think Christelle will treat you any differently, that much I can guess,” I said again. “Because she never really treated Edwin differently either. But like you’re gonna ask her about what she might feel uncomfortable with, right?”
“Remind me tmrw night in case.”
“Help me. I feel like I’m gonna sink into an ocean. Aha ha.”
“Pray to God for courage and a peace of mind and that you’re doing this to get it out so that you can have more space for Him. And that you wouldn’t ruin anything.”
“THAT IS yes very essential. Yes yes yes, ty for reminding me.”
The day of band practice came and when I came in the room, Gabe wasn’t there. It only meant that he really has no choice but to confess later on. It was good that he came a little later because at least Christelle won’t be distracted the whole practice. I needed her to focus properly because we were both leading the band for that week.
Crush talk aside that practice session was kind of chaotic. Since Jordan was locked out of his youth office, he wasn’t able to print the chord sheets. I worked so hard on them so that the practice would go smoothly and accordingly to what I would do without me explaining too many things, but we had to do without them. But anyway, the set were songs that we already knew, everyone kinda followed well.
Oh, and I really do admire Jessica for trying hard to improve herself. I thought that she would ruin our duo vibe with the singing, and yes, she does still go off when we harmonize, but she tried her best. She tried really hard not to lose her key because she wanted to learn to sing while we harmonize as well. Christelle and I were patient with her and we repeated our harmonies over and over so that she could get it right. Although it still needs some work, I was really proud of her during that practice. She really has improved from what I remembered her by for the past two years. That’s what made her different from Caesius—she was actually desperate to improve herself.
Okay, back to crush confession, as we were about to go down from the 2nd floor, Gabe pulls Christelle aside before she started walking down the stairs. John Adi who felt it strange for Gabe to be doing this tried to drag them downstairs, but Gabe persisted to stay with Christelle for a little bit on that floor. I, on the other hand, sped down the stairs snickering by myself knowing what was about to go on. When the gang was out on the courtyard, Adithya approached me and asked me what was going on with Gabe and Christelle. I don’t remember what I replied with, but I probably laughed and/or said I don’t know or said to leave them. But then he smirked and said, “Wait, is this about what I think it is?” Gabe has said before that he told John Adi about his crush on Christelle, so I just smirked and nodded. At that point Jessica and John Surya asked where Christelle and Gabe were. I just said they were still upstairs. When they asked why, I told them they were talking about something. Both of them were kinda confused, but I think John Surya got the hint so the three of us were their just snickering about it. Johnathan Estephan, our keyboard player, who absolutely knows nothing about this, kept asking us what was going on but we never told him. Lol it’s better you not know, child XD.
Anyway, so we brushed it all off and played Frisbee on the courtyard. While we were playing Frisbee, Christelle and Gabe finally comes into the picture. As expected, Christelle looked like a blank and lost little girl again and Gabe is just trudging awkwardly around the place. I was dying to know what happened but I tried not to bother since there were still others around. So we just continued playing frisbee until it was time to go home.
Christelle and I rode a taxi with the two John brothers so there was not time for us to discuss what happened with Gabe’s confession. But of course, as soon as I got home, I messaged her immediately. At the same time, there were also messages from Gabe.
“She looked mega mega shocked and stuff. And like it seemed like a ‘woah’ overload ish kinda ehdjekxkekxjdfje should I really have said it?” What he didn’t know was that the ‘woah’ overload Christelle had was only because she didn’t expect him confessing, not because she didn’t know he had a crush on her.
“Is that it? Did you say anything else?” I asked Gabe.
I went to Christelle to ask her, too. “What happened with Gabe?”
I came back to Gabe and said, “Did she say anything else?”
Gabe replied, “’How long?’ Or was it since when? Same same.”
“Did you say anything else?”
“Nothing comes to mind. Not that I remember. It was a rush. Such a rush. I stuttered so much after. And during. Aha ha har.”
“So like what it ended and you just came down like nothing else?” his view just wasn’t enough to picture for me lol.
“Yeah ._. Sorry I can’t describe. It all happened so fast. And it all felt like a dream. Did you guys talk?”
“At least you got it out,” I say like I was patting him in the back. Then I replied to his question, “No not yet.
“Wat y not? How. Wat. Wdym. Wat”
“2 Johns were there in the taxi with us.”
“SAAAAAAAAD BAHAHAHAHHAAHHA. Tho what I can recall, she didn’t say much cuz I tried to make it clear that I just wanted to say it and I didn’t expect anything and like hope we can be friends and is there anything I should like lessen or anything and she was like ‘the staring’ WHICH IS SMTH THAT idk if I explained well but like it’s just a think and it just happens to be like with her and that she notices it. Even if I stare at other ppl, they don’t notice walla. Like I wish they would like whdidid.”
Just then, Christelle starts spamming me.
“Okay first of all, does he know that I knew he liked me cuz he said ‘did you know’ and I didn’t want him to feel embarrassed or anything so I said I didn’t,” she said.
“He doesn’t,” I replied.
“Okay so, he just burted it out, like, ‘I have a crush on you’ and I was like ‘um’ and then I didn’t say anything. And then he asked if I knew and then he said I really wanted to get it off my chest and then I kusy had like an awkward smile on my face, you know the ones I have when I’m like nervous. And then we started to talk down the stairs. I was like, ‘I don’t know what to do with this information.’ I don’t remember what he said to that. And then I asked how long, and he was like about 2 months. And then we came out. So I asked my other friends what I should do.”
In the middle of her spam, Gabe sent me a message saying, “Gonna leave a msg bc gonna do stuffz. But when do u think u guys will talk?”
“She’s talking to me rn.”
And so, with Gabe doing something else, Christelle kept going, “I think on Friday I’m just going to let him know that I don’t reciprocate the feeling just to make it clear and like ‘it was very brave of you to tell me and like you can’t control how you feel but I don’t feel the same.’ Texting will be more harsh than saying it in person so yeah.”
I laughed at the two months part and quoted it with, “2 months huh.” Gabe said she had a crush on her 5 months ago. Was he lying? It sounded ridiculous at first, but Gabe had a pretty good reason for that later.
“I guess so.”
“So like tbh. We have been talking about this for a few days—him confessing to you,” I said.
“Oh no. MIA YOU SHOULD’VE GIVEN ME A HEADS UP”
“And like for a long time I’ve been back and forth trying to be careful of both your feelings,” I added.
“Lol. Oh Mia. You’re in the middle.”
Just then, Gabe comes back and asks me, “What she sayin?” I didn’t know how to reply to that since Christelle and I are basically talking about how she already knew about his feelings. So I left him hanging for a while.
I quoted Christelle’s capslock message and said, “I was thinkin’ about it but you already knew so I was like eehhh.”
“I didn’t know he was going to tell me. But yeah, what do you think? Should I make it clear that I don’t like him?”
“You can do it if you want but for a long time I’ve been saying to him that I know you won’t feel the same way and he knows that.”
“Okay, let’s see.”
“And he confessed only cuz he couldn’t take hiding it. So I allowed him basically.”
“You allowed him XDD Yeah it is pretty hard to just keep it in.”
“Yeah I mean you already know so it won’t freak out as much as it did the first time. And he doesn’t know that I told you so I can’t just say, ‘hey but I already told her’ XD”
“lol yeah anyways, I’m going to eat and go to bed. Byeeee. Good job todayyy!”
I went back to my chatroom with Gabe and he asked if we were talking in real life or in text. I told him we talked in text. Then he said,
“Ah. Hokay. Whats up what’s up. Do she hate me? Should I crawl into a hole and die?”
“Lol no ur fine.”
“Did I do smth bad?”
“Ok. Anything I can do better or could’ve done?”
“Idk not really. It was fine.”
Since I don’t want to blow his high and say that it’s all fine because Christelle already knew his feelings before all of these shenanigans, I said, “Well I don’t wanna reveal our convo. Just trust me. Her view of you did not change. She was a lil shocked yes but you are fine.”
“Ok. Ok. I don’t wanna see it anyway. Bc Bc Bc that’s weird. View didn’t change. Good. Whew. “
“2 months tho. Really? R u sure? XD” I said. We just talked about a few days ago about how we won’t lie to her so I had to know why he said that.
“I said I couldn’t remember hence I asked for the month then she’s like u don’t have to and then I kinda mixed up. Tried to say after school started, after summer break, like yehajzjwjxeidiedieidoeofoekfoefodofoeof idk if she got that usjqjdejf I’m dying.”
“Ahh haha okay.”
“November minus 2. Oct. Sept. No it was August.”
“But you told me at June XDD”
“Like officially August but unofficially since Edwin sorta left like ejdifidiciekcieocodfoeodiekdjfj.”
“Ahh. Okay XD”
“Unofficially bc I tried to suppress it. Bc like felt wrong. Also weird. That’s life. I’m dying inside help me. Ever since I got home my teeth have been beeming white light. Good thing parents aren’t home. I haven’t accomplished anything tho so it’s weird.”
“Maybe you need to eat dinner first. Drink water lol.”
Then after a short discussion of what we were eating, he said, “I think I shouldn’t have said it.”
“Bc even tho it’s pointless and I STRONGly wish I wouldn’t. I think I’m even more in love rn.”
“Ohhh man. Haha that’s alright. Or maybe not. Hah.” I totally didn’t expect that this would happen. Or… Well, actually I kinda did because, yeah, the more I think about it, it makes total sense. And I’m pretty much a big part of why that happened, hence the awkward laugh. Is it weird that I kinda ship them because of how tragic and hopeless and one-sided it is? My inner taengsic shipper can’t seem to stop shipping a bunch of Titanic ships. What the hell is wrong with me?
“Well at least u got it out right?” I said.
“Ee. Er. Now I’m wondering if that is really a good thing. Did she ask if you were involved?”
Oh, she knows I am involved lol. “Eh kinda yeah.”
“Did she do everything you anticipated?”
“Proves just how well u know her. Lucky.”
“Actually I said it without her asking.”
“Why? If it reveals convo, don’t worry I understand.”
“Gotchu. U guys still talking?”
“Nah it ended quickly tbh.”
“Wow. Like a lightning bolt? Like boom in and out?”
“We talked for like 10 mins or less and she said she had to go eat.”
“Oh. She always has smth to do. Dis girl I swear.” Then he said, “Dang do you reckon smth bad gonna happen?”
“Idk I’m sure she won’t like shun you.”
“Idk felt like a ‘but’ was coming. I’m nervous. How do I act? Like. This isn’t supposed to change anything but. For me it changes everything. Sjdjeicieicodofekfkdid”
“Well I mean she understands. Cuz like I told her about why you did this.”
“That’s calming. Legit my heart rate has gone down drastically after reading that.”
“Good don’t get anxious. The more you do the more it could turn bad.”
“THAT’S A PARADOX sorta. Er loop. Bc like. Worrying makes me feel nervous and it makes me feel like bad things gonna happen which makes me worry a lot which makes me feel nervous which makes me feel like bad things are gonna happen which… but this broke the loop. It should be fineeee.”
After thirty minutes of the conversation in a pause, he said, “Best past 15 mins I’ve had in a while.”
“There’s more to Christelle than meets the eye that I gotta find out. Oh well.”
“’Rough past that made her how she is today’, ‘a school side that apparently if I knew, I wouldn’t like her’, ‘smth she has to tell me in person.’ Why do I put quotation marks? Idk it feels cooler.”
Confused by all that he is saying, I said, “Wait u guys talked?”
“Haha nothing.” It sounded to me like Christelle was trying hard to help him turn off his feelings for her. I don’t know what the hell she means by those but it sounds ridiculous.
“I’m smiling so hard rn. I’d be a lighthouse I swear.”
Still bothered by what she meant, I asked, “What past lol she hasn’t said stuff like that to me”
“Wut. I shouldn’t have told u. I thot u knew everything. Dang. Daaaaaaang. Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaang.”
“I told you we don’t chat that often.”
“Right, right, right. But u are a character observer. I think body language speaks for itself. That plus just doing things within the vicinity of each other is said to be how relationships are build. Er that’s why people go to an arcade in Japan or so game theory says, like go to an arcade together, or fish together.”
“Or ride taxi together lol.”
“Like even if it’s not directly interacting with each other. Or ride taxis together XDDD”
“But like now I’m curious lol what is she talking abt XD Man.”
“Dang. Dangggg. Dang still I thought she would’ve told u.”
“I’ll ask tmrw or Friday if she’ll tell me.”
“What could possibly be so bad abt her like I can’t imagine.”
“Ikr. So curious.”
“I mean u and I shared our bad sides and we didn’t really stop being friends so like hah what must be so bad that she thinks you’d stop liking her?”
“Eh. Ehhh. Ehhhhhh. People have opinions.”
“Hm well maybe it’s just a lowkey thing that she’s saying she don’t feel the same way, huh. Idek.”
“Nah why’d she be lowkey? Besides I’ve said I didn’t expect anything from her like feelings. Liek. Yeah. Can you chop of my arms? I feel so tempted to call her and stuff and andjekceicjdicjdcjdiic Like et more often too. Like confessing seems to have done the opposite effect. Dang.”
“Hah oh no XD” Again, this is partly my fault. I need to be more careful. This can’t get any worse. Christelle will only feel even weirder if he actually does what he says he wants to do.
“Yes. It seems to have amplified my feelings even tho she has done nothing.”
“Yes. Bad stuff. Now I feel protective and possessive. That’s bad. This has not happened before. As far as I can remember.”
“Wow that makes it two for her now.”
“BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH. I have a bad feeling smth gonna stir inside me if someone makes too too much fun of her. Just a feeling. This is bad.”
“Oh no, you’re gonna burn up just as much as I do XD”
“Do you burn inside or outside?”
“Both ways XD Like do u know y I don’t ship her with John A?”
“Ik now.” Then he said, “How does one know when to act? Like not act like acting. But act as in take initiative and stuff?”
“Idk it just comes out naturally to me.”
“Mmmmmmmm I see.”
“Like tbh I didn’t know I was this possessive and overprotective until Christelle came along XD”
After that we talked about other things until we said goodnight. But then the next morning, he quoted my msg “What could possibly be so bad abt her like I can’t imagine” and said at 6 am in the morning,
“She didn’t actually say it’s smth bad and I wouldn’t like her for it. She said a lot of things I don’t abt her cuz I only see her twize a week and that if I saw stuff like her school side yeah…”
So it seems like he was exaggerating things last night, huh.
“Then she said she’s also not like other girls, no cliché intended. Bc smth of the past. SEE IM ALSO CONFUSED RN BC SHOULD I BE SHARING DIS WID U XDDDD Like I wanna and ur her guardian technically speaking. But u don’t know this so like ujejdieocieif She didn’t say don’t tell anyone but like It felt like it was implied. I feel bad now. How do ik what not to share with u and what to share with u? Unless everything is a must to share with u. Pls plz need answers XDDDD”
I was only able to reply at 8 am and I said, “Well I mean I want to know everything but like if she says it is confidential then it is.” Then after over analyzing his messages, I said, “Anyway, I feel like we all have such different sides outside church but that won’t really change the fact that what we chose to be in church is still us. And lol even if she wasn’t ‘like most girls’ that only makes her 2X more special XD Isn’t that the reason why ppl like her? XD And I bet you there are probably more girls claiming they are not like most girls more than what ‘most girls’ are defined as. So most girls are basically not like ‘most girls; meaning many girls are not the same as the popularized idea of a normal girly girl bcuz the world is diverse and God is creative. But ppl take the term ‘most girls’ kind of literally that now everyone with a lil manly side or something not girl/common to public suddenly define themselves as tomboys, or lesbi&trans or just whatever they think of themselves as or in this case, ‘not like most girls’. It’s common to be different. Same goes for guys too in some ways I assume. Anyway lol got carried away XD. With a brain like min I can’t fathom what “most girls” or “most guys” are exactly supposed to be like cuz I see difference in everyone XD”
Anyway by the evening, he replies and says he agrees with what I said and all that. But anyway, somewhere along our conversation that night, he said,
“Btw the reason she hasn’t told u is bc it never rly came up.”
“Told me what? Oh about her past thing? I guess.”
“Did she say this (Btw the reason she hasn’t told u is bc it never rly came up.)”
“Yeah. Like she’d be fine telling u.”
“The question is will she? Cuz I don’t really start conversations and I don’t think I’d even ask about it.”
“Lol. She will but it has to come up. Like someone has to bring it up. Like if u wanna. I can maybe help plan.”
“Lol what eve is it like how are u gonna bring it up if u don’t know?”
“Like ok. I meant like set up mini convos for u. Mini scenarios that may or may not lead to the ending where u find out what it is.”
I was really curious about these secrets or whatever that he was saying Christelle was talking about. It kinda drove me mad that there was something either heavy or bad that she’s keeping from me. Maybe it wasn’t even bad, but me overthinking things made me nervous. I felt like maybe I didn’t need to know. So I just sent a confused meme of TaeYeon to him lol.
After that, he changes the topic to a totally different one. He just started ranting to me about about his parents, especially his dad. I don’t really want to elaborate this so let’s just say he’s frustrated about his dad. He’s at fault for being a teenager who doesn’t know any better, but his dad wasn’t perfect either so I just tried to say what I could in the eyes of God. It’s kinda hard when someone just starts relaying their heavy burdens to you. It makes me seriously think of what I have to say. Obviously, I should say what is according to God’s Word, but it’s very challenging to figure out what is the right thing to say. Because when it comes down to it, should I be on his side and comfort him? Should I be on the opposing side and convict him for his wrongs? Sometimes God makes that choice really challenging. I get now why Solomon asked for wisdom… If I’m having a challenging time just talking to a friend, how much more pressure would Solomon have had being a king making decisions and giving advice to people?
On Friday, I didn’t come for the church service so I only arrived at church for Wildfire. While we were setting up, Jessica said that Christelle told her about Gabe’s crush on her. And both of them went on about how they were talking about him and suddenly Gabe came up before them like a surprise and they were so shook lol. Anyway, before I get fully into the Gabe-Stella situation, I should say the set for the band went really well. We may have been going a little fast on one of the songs but it was okay since it wasn’t that noticeable at the moment. Jessica had gone off again at one of the songs but that too was fine. She tried her best so I don’t hold that against her anymore. But okay, anyway, after Wildfire, Christelle talked with Gabe saying that she doesn’t reciprocate his feelings just to make things clear for him. He already knows that but Christelle just wanted to say that to him face to face. However, while we were at the courtyard, as Christelle, Adi, and Alicia and I were talking, Gabe occasionally tries to suddenly butt in the conversation to listen. It’s obvious now to me, Christelle, Jessica, and probably Adi, that he did that because he wants to be in Christelle’s presence. I found it funny but at the same time a little bothered because now that he knows Christelle knows he likes him, it’s like he feels as if it’s valid to show his affections even more. But isn’t the reason why Christelle told him she didn’t feel the same way is a way of telling him to not act in a way that would make it weird for the both of them? I know he was just trying to be subtle, but for us it is just way too obvious what his intentions were. It makes all of us uncomfortable.
Being so bothered by this, Christelle talked about it with me and Alicia while on taxi ride. Now Alicia knows as well. Then it just became a full blown girl talk on that car ride as Alicia admits that guys have had crushes on him and kind of confessed to her, too. They talked about how it felt weird being liked by guys because they were so weird. They kept saying that they couldn’t understand why guys like them and I’m just there in the middle of the both of them thinking, “You guys are literally the type of girls guys would have crushes on.” They also ranted about how why guys can’t just keep their feelings in because they themselves can’t confess to any of their crushes lol.
Then it came to the topic of their current crush. I don’t remember if Alicia mentioned anyone, and obviously when asked, I said I had none for a long time, but Christelle said she did kinda like someone. Since she told me before that she didn’t like anyone, I never asked her again about that, but now she has someone in mind? Of course I had to know who. It was a guy named Joe. He is fairly new to Wildfire. He is American and he has an adopted Chinese sister named Lee that Christelle often chats with. Joe’s blonde hair is somewhat a mess most of the time and he’s a very cool and laid-back looking guy. He’s almost like a perfect cast for an original character I had back then named Jasper who happens to be Jack and Alice’s cousin. Basically, his features can easily be considered as part of the Turvey family lol. He occasionally approaches us while we rehearse and he also just recently started helping out with the sound system. Apparently he says he learned how to sing and learned music terms by touring with a fairly famous Christian band (I don’t remember what band it was but something like Hillsong) and Christelle always raves about that. Now I get why she finds that so cool to the point that she says it every time she mentions him. Although she’s not exactly sure yet if she really has a huge crush on him Alicia and I have now teamed up on teasing her about it lol. She shouldn’t have said it unless she was sure because now I feel like Alicia and I will lowkey make sure that she actually has a serious crush on him XD. Man, if that guy actually started going to the band as Christelle and I have been trying to convince him, I feel like they will actually become a thing.
Anyway, we carefully arranged our parts one last time at Christelle’s room. Alicia decided to do adlib high harmonies for the first chorus since she wasn’t feeling the harmony I tried to arrange the week before. She did like an echo of every word and we really loved that idea. We also perfected the ‘high hoes’ part of the 3rd chorus and we basically got everything down for it. Other than finally completing and perfecting everything, that practice was ridiculous. We were laughing almost every moment of it especially when we hear a mistake. And there was this time when there was a fly buzzing around her room. We decided to open her window so that it would go out, but instead a bird flew to it and we almost had a heart attack thinking it would come in the room. So we closed it again and I swore to kill that fly somehow. I didn’t really know if I could kill it, but I was just so annoyed by it that when it landed on the window, I was able to kill it with one blow.
In the middle of that practice, when we took a break, Christelle kept ranting again about Gabriel and his actions. At first I wasn’t really fully siding with all of her claims of him being a creep, but when she showed me their text log, about how Gabe asked her if it was okay for him to talk to her every day, I get started to get why. And since I was more curious about what Gabe was talking about with her ‘past’ thing or different side, I read on and found that it wasn’t even that big of a deal as Gabe had made it sound to be. She was only talking about how he doesn’t know her that well and that she was kind of different in church and in school. It wasn’t as if it’s a big secret that she has kept from me and I’m honestly kinda annoyed that it sounded like that from Gabe’s view since he got me lowkey paranoid and all. I don’t want to take sides, but this really made me side with Christelle even more. And by siding I mean trusting Christelle more and having a desire to set more boundaries for Gabe when it comes to her.
Anyway, as she was ranting about, Gabe was texting her and she immediately shut him down by saying we’re practicing lol. Because of that, he texted me about the same time, saying,
“I see ur online at 5:14 and Christelle was on earlier. My hypothesis: you’re at her place practicing and you guys took a break or smth idk. And ur online now. Amiright? C’mon I’m a good detective *fire emoji* 8) *fire emoji*”
I showed that text to Christelle and Alicia and Christelle cringed hard. I mean really, I get that you’re desperate but that was just a bit too much.
“Yeah. We’re on a short break,” I replied.
“Elementary, my dear Watson,” he said. And for some reason he goes on and says, “OH HOW WAS RAGNAROK? DID I ASK THAT B4? I should’ve asked.”
“Yes.” That was literally just a week ago and we talked about it. I can’t believe he’d forget that so quickly.
“Oh rip. BAHAHAHA. Was it nice? Mama said reviews weren’t good.”
“Lol ok,” I said not really caring about the reviews. Then Christelle asked for my phone to end my convo with Gabe. She typed in, “Gotta go. Bye.” I never say bye to Gabe with a period since I feel like it might sound harsh. But anyway, even though Gabe has good hunches sometimes, he’s still very naïve and he probably wouldn’t know Christelle just shut him down twice, or no, actually three times that day.
When we perfected our song, we were able to jam to other song as we waited for Alicia’s parents to come pick her up. Since Christelle’s mom kept insisting for us to eat dinner there, Alicia was able to extend her time there. When we were eating dinner, Christelle and Alicia kept arguing about when we can practice again (since Open Mic was that coming Thursday). They argued about how we should not play in the band that week and about when we can meet to perfect our song one last time while I was just there listening. It’s so amusing to watch them just argue back and forth and interrupt each other’s sentence, but the funniest thing is when they turn to me to hear my opinion and I have nothing to say because I have no opinion. I’m always good with whatever they decide to do and they were frustrated even more because of that XD. But the weirdest thing is somewhere along the conversation, they started talking about tongue length and said how strange their tongues were. But I told them theirs are never gonna be as weird as mine. I showed them how damn short mine was, they thought I was messing with them. In the end they came to the conclusion that yeah, I had the shortest tongue ever. XDDD
When we came back to her room, Christelle burped so hard and she laughed at herself in her usual fashion as if she’s the funniest person in the world. Then Alicia said while staring at her as she laughed, “I get now why Gabe likes you.” Alicia and I looked at each other and I said that I totally agreed with her. Christelle thought we were being sarcastic but Alicia said she wasn’t being sarcastic. See, even Alicia can see how charming of a person Christelle is even when she’s being such a dork at that moment. Alicia gets it. It’s not so hard to see what’s so good and lovable about her. Christelle just has that kind of energy that would make you love her even though the things she does are not even considered attractive. It’s just the way she is.
Anyway, the next day, in our Chocolate Covered Pretzels group, Alicia, Christelle and I started to think more seriously about our name. We argued in the afternoon for about an hour and a half or something and we kept suggesting and fighting over names the three of us can’t ever agree on. In the end, we came up with a few names and we flipped coins to get our final band name was. We ended up with Vapor Lights. Because of that, I designed a new similar logo to Chocolate Covered Pretzels, but Christelle said to take off the pretzels so I used a photo I took this summer and we loved it.